Vol 50 Issue 39

Vol 50 Issue 39

Man Hates Being Put In Position Where He Has To Think, Feel, Or Act

Man Hates Being Put In Position Where He Has To Think, Feel, Or Act

9/12/2019 5:36:00 PM

Man Hates Being Put In Position Where He Has To Think, Feel, Or Act

AMARILLO, TX—Bemoaning the burdensome expectations regularly placed upon him by his family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, local 38-year-old Howard Ridley expressed discomfort Tuesday with the number of situations in which he is asked to think, feel, or act—and sometimes do all three. “I swear, everywhere I go, people expect me to take some matter or another into consideration, display some sort of emotion in response, and perhaps even do something about it,” Ridley said in a press statement blasting what he described as the near-daily requests that he assess a situation before him and then react to it in a rational, or at least socially appropriate, manner. “I’m sick of it. Everyone needs to back off, give me some space, and let me respond to the outside world if and when I’m ready to do so.” Ridley added that if he were to cave in to the incessant demands on his behavior, the next thing you know, people would be pressuring him to actually talk and move.

Read more: The Onion »

Top Trump homeland security appointments improper, U.S. government watchdog says

The appointments of two top homeland security officials in the Trump administration were improper, a U.S. government watchdog said on Friday in a decision that could complicate the administration's efforts to defend immigration policies in court.

Please don’t come at me like that I feel you Howard Welcome to what college used to be — no safe spaces, be challenged and, yes, even frightened by people with different views. jjjinvesting YammyYamCakes tomoki lol Being put on the spot is not cool Relatable Me too man, me too meallday ohdearkhalana Why don't you just me ohdearkhalana

The whole thing smacks of effort Correction: men Thats a mood Won’t ever top the best Onion headline of all time, but this made me think of you mattzahnsports 🤣 me next time sheesh Put him in a coma Because fuck that. Yeah sometimes I wish I could stop being so emotion and acting on my emotions . I'm on a constant roller coaster and I have took meds. Change what I eat and made me seem worse so I wish I could not think or feel or act on my emotions most of the time

Ya all LMAO Stop fucking recording my life and not even using my good side. Thoughts and prayers Too late for us. And yet we wonder why this world is so socially and emotionally ill Same. Moonwalking the evolutionary ladder has occasional missteps. Hahaha 😆 🤣🤣🤣 New story about Trump? Or is it just the Onion? I have to ask myself this every time I scroll through Twitter.

Resume: Hates to be a person. I hate to think about that... Same. Yeah, what of it? The 'both sides' crowd in a nutshell. Don't we all. Adulting? 😂😂 As a man, I can relate :P

Florida man with 'death' tattooed on his face breaks out of psychiatric hospitalThe prisoner, who has a history of violent behavior, was later caught by police after a citizen spotted him. He really want to take part in the Dim Debate tonight. At least he’ll be easy to identify. That kind of tattoo makes anyone stand out in the crowd. 🤷‍♂️ I think he was just going to a job interview

Pals warn Katie Price's new man to stay away from herCharlie, 22, has just made his Instagram public and it didn't take long for the negative comments to come flooding in

Man jailed for kidnapping housemate at gunpoint, drugging her, in botched hostage attemptDon Weerakoon sentenced to 10 years in jail after admitting ro failed hostage attempt in Cambridge, England. UK man giving Florida man a run for their money He's non-white. And he assumed she would not report this to the police? And they would just continue to be roomies? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Video: 71-year-old man aboard cruise ship suffering stroke symptoms medevaced 13 miles to shoreThe passenger—who has not yet been named—was rescued on Wednesday morning from the Oosterdam, a Holland America Line liner that was en-route to Yakutat, Alaska.

Jamie Lomas gets protection from his 'main man' Amir Khan after Asan N'Jie brawlJamie has reunited with his I'm A Celeb boxer Amir Khan after his furious fight with Emmerdale's Asan N'Jie Oh pleeeeeezzzzeeee! OOOOOOOHHHH GOOD GOD this is laughable ... Jamie Lomas a 44 year old bloke needs protection from the worst british boxer ever to grace a stage in Amir Khan pass me the sick bucket already

Man grew nearly 700 cannabis plants in shed, claims he got 'carried away'Charles Nichols from Norfolk, England, admitted cannabis production but insisted they were for his own use for pain relief. It's easy to do That's just personal stash. This happens. They’ll understand in the UK eventually. People really like cannabis ❤️💛💚