SAN DIEGO—Lying on the couch in his cramped, poorly lit apartment, local man Mark Borkowski was reportedly having the best Thanksgiving of his life Thursday while getting high and eating Taco Bell thousands of miles away from his family. “Wow, I never knew this holiday could be so genuinely wonderful,” said Borkowski, sitting alone with a glass pipe in one hand and a chalupa in the other as he watched episodes ofon his laptop.
“The Taco Bell guy got my order pretty much right, and I still have plenty of weed. Meanwhile, my parents are on the other side of the country and in a totally different timezone, so our entire interaction this year was a five-minute phone call while I packed this bowl. There truly is so much to be thankful for.
mark45621774 that’s you
I at least eat turkey
Let’s fucking go
RickyLibido The first real Article from The Onion.
HEY! You're not allowed to report straight facts!
Looks like Tectone but with hair 😅
I know you're a journalist but broadcasting someone using cannabis when it is still federally illegal is a major party foul. irresponsible
I don't see the negative in this....
TBQuarterly I went to tweet this at you and you had ALREADY FOUND IT. Literary match made in heaven.
Eating Taco Bell? They haven't grown enough weed to get me that high.
i appreciate the crash blossom
TBQuarterly live más
Damn right he is.
Yes!!!!
Dan_of_Earth damn you really out here getting nurped up
5 years later he realizes he messed up and wants his family back.
Me but with Wawa
taco bell was closed today in my area😔
I did one of those things. I wanted to eat taco bell too but it was closed.
Omg basedonion relatetables literallymetho
I had Taco Bell last night 😆😂
Really? cuz I'm at a rehab where guys can't be with their families because they can't stop getting high. Drugs are no joke.
I AM APPALLED! I come to The Onion for parody and satire, not the truth!!
Amateur
It’s funny because it’s true
mags69420
Taco Bell is closed
Holy shit, this is literally me
I basically did something like this.
The more terrifying realization is that the dude in the stock image looks like a dude I used to date.
Funyuns and boom-boom? kid getting high! BreakingBad bb203 bb509
You never know how wonderful life is until you diverge from people's expectations and follow your heart. I'm playing Horizon Zero Dawn all through Thanksgiving day with the cats sleeping on my lap and eating IHOP delivery.😁 life is beautiful!🥰
I wish I lived in a country with taco bells and weed 🫤
👀👀👀🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️😂😂😂😂
Hey, you do you.
I had leftover Chinese, otherwise accurate.🤤🚬🦃🪓Gobble! Gobble!
There once were some pilgrims still thanking Born heathens in need of a spanking Their fate manifested By forked tongues invested In bloodbaths of genocide ganking
Meanwhile ....This is a true story
ryanoflan this u?
I'm not high, but I do Thanksgiving alone these days and cooked my own fancy meal rather than having the traditional turkey meal, which I don't think is all that exciting. I like Taco Bell less and less every time I go, so I'd buy something else, anyway. Popeye's and beer?
Since when did The Onion start publishing actual fact based articles?
onionringlov3r
Something about that good food though. It's worth the hassle
This man is doing it right.
witchwaytarot
god it shoulda been me
Sad.
joimonki It sounds pretty darn good 😁
I'm glad he has the weed. Vegetables always complete the feast & it's an important part of healthy diet.
*Jack in the Box
People's reactions to this are depressing the tweet itself is hilarious.
When you also know you’re single hahaha
I don’t need the reef. But this is a perfect Thanksgiving, otherwise.
This is great news
As I've gotten older, I'm liking more and more the idea of no holidays. They always seem to be more trouble than they're worth. Weeks if not months of planning and rearranging schedules for a single day, and if you don't have a good time, it was all for nothing.
it really do be like that
oh no
Taco Bell not open on Thanksgiving
No he’s not
0htheguilt
I could go for a turkey taco right now. 🤣
Haha.
we out here
My hero!
Just like me! But I have no Taco Bell tho..
The feeling is probably mutual.
Related: Man Who Lives Alone Ruins Another Thanksgiving By Getting Into Political Screaming Match With Himself
looks happier then I was at my Thanksgiving. 😮💨
Chalupa FAX
Honestly, I wish taco bell was open rn
Are you challenging me.
That taco is not as good as the one at home.
alanaduval 🌮
harlequinofh8
I don't like to mix drugs with Taco Bell. I like to appreciate Taco Bell with a clear mind.
It be like that sometimes
It’s hard to see someone else living your dreams
This was me briannafanna
No reason The Onion should be the only one covering this.
Kudos to him for being socially responsible.
Recognize
OMG 'At press time, sources confirmed an elated Borkowski was reflecting on the likelihood that this year his Christmas wish would come true and he’d spend the holiday getting totally shitfaced on vodka.'
EcstasyWrongs
Mollortoise
You're on a roll lately
That headline is open to interpretation.
This is not a fake headline. I don’t come to the Onion for real news.
ParasocialPara1 Like me with my family Sad but not sad
Hyper_lexic Sadly, this pandemic with Zoom has proven that being physically far apart does not protect you against awkward Thanksgiving conversations.
callum_may
I feel so validated and so called out
Wow how'd you know
Humble brag
Christie_D22 I have done this.
Probably had a better Thanksgiving than me
That's...terrible.
Arby’s for me, but same feel!
Me rn
Word
ChubbyTheOrphan
Thanksgiving is over rated
paskaltyler
Taco bell?!?
SethMacFarlane family guy😊😊
😂😂😅😥😰😖😣😭😵😬
SethMacFarlane SethMacFarlane yesterday (in an old interview) I happened to hear you tell that story about your ‘mum’s teenager days story’ she told you, your dad & sister at a thanksgiving dinner once.. and OMG Seth!🙊🙈😳😮😂🤣😂
YogatryOne Yay!
ProducerCody Oh abso-freaky-lutely!!
SethMacFarlane Awesome
SethMacFarlane Miss your live shows... WhatTedSaid does too 💔💔💔
SethMacFarlane
SethMacFarlane How Seth spent Thanksgiving2020
SethMacFarlane 🔥
Life imitates Art...
FinisimaPersona Sounds familiar to me...
SethMacFarlane He reminds me of Wil Wheaton...but I can't picture Wil doing this?🤔😏🖖
I totally agree with this satire
SethMacFarlane Happy Thanksgiving SethMacFarlane 😉
Happy Thanksgiving CurbYourEnthusiasm LarryDavidof 9seasons of unscripted fun. It's in the air . macys LauraSeydel TedTurnerIII
TheJackieBrown9
SethMacFarlane sitting high on the couch, eating tacos, far away from family is always less stressful than sitting with them at the table. I love my family, but i totally agree
SethMacFarlane This is what responsibility looks like!!
Taco bell was closed for Thanksgiving 😔
I can sooo relate!
michaeldweiss Sounds like a win-win strategy.
cryptnick_ theonion how excited are you that 2 months from now your articles will be satire again?
SethMacFarlane Wish I had weed on Thanksgiving. Lol
SethMacFarlane Generally, those that enjoy a fast-food, lazy-as-hell, ..cough Thanksgiving, have never lifted a finger to help make the meal or done all that work for anyone else. It’s a Giving thing. Lost on today’s youth.
SethMacFarlane Just sit on your couch getting high and ordering overpriced fast food delivery. Consume content and don't pay attention to anything but the next marvel movie. This is progress for humans.
SethMacFarlane Every true stoner knows you don’t hit and just hold the pipe in your lap like that, you’re going to forget it’s there and when you move spill the bowl or worse drop and break your piece
SethMacFarlane Sounds awesome...specifically excluding THE 'getting high' part. The worst part? I KNOW is SPECIFICALLY intended as satire...but this right here? THIS, is actually MY REAL LIFE! OK, maybe not LITERALLY, but metaphorically thousands of miles away. Close enough.
SethMacFarlane 😂
SethMacFarlane Omg that is hilarious!
SethMacFarlane most of my family smokes so I missed out on a pretty good fall harvest
SethMacFarlane No drama lol!!😂
SethMacFarlane 😂😂
SethMacFarlane 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
jaketapper Yes! I missed my family, but it was the least stressful Thanksgiving dinner ever.
prettybinladen What a loser!
redboii420 hey u made headlines
I wish this was me
That's a true Democrat right there.
This would have been me but the dispensary was closed and I already had a thawed turkey. 😭
Family eating tofurkey
Taco Bell? Gross! Everything else seems great.
abhifusion
Omg, that is so true......sometimes holidays can be so uncomfortable!
I miss my family.
Hahahaa 👏🏻
I never thought I’d see the day when people risked a deadly virus to have a teenager prepare their meal.
Mr_Scorpio
unormal Friends are just people you haven't got to know well enough.
tommiesunshine Fuck ya I had a great day
Man's living his best life and I can't blame him
CPostcapitalism Why is it communists always hate their family?
IanECox Welcome to my (make believe) world!?!
This is not satire. This is facts.😂
Oh wow that is horrible sounds terribly sad ...........cause Taco Bell got rid of shredded Chicken quesadillas on value menu
But seriously, one of the best Christmases I ever had was completely by myself. I cooked ham, stuffing, and scalloped potatoes, and played video games the whole damn day.
Taco Bell is sad
Living the Thanksgiving dream.
tommatzzie loser
Husband & I made Asian rice bowls and smoked between bouts of video games in our pajamas. Five minute FaceTime to folks back in Midwest was more than enough to remind us why we glad to be quarantined this year.
I'm very happy you guys have been able to survive the last 4 years. I look forward to you being the most outrageous, unbelievable stories in the future, not our President.
Sonofabitch I'm in.
I am envious
Holy shit!!! I feel called out... I mean, it's not Taco Bell, but close enough!
Whos the photographer of this pic. Lmk
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
jaketapper Sounds like your to broke to buy the ticket to see them. Sorry , should have text me, would have pitched in.
This is so not true. He'd be in the bathroom with the shits before his high kicked in or too stoned to get off the couch while he shits his pants. Both of those do not make the best Thanksgiving.
Me rn
scottyfreeman3
Tweet of the day! 🤣
😂
Bring back Fire Roasted Sauce!
😂
MattMcMuscles God, I wish that was me.
Seriously An obligatory family hang and I dont even get presents?! Hard pass
JamesKobacker
shxwntino
jaketapper Sometimes getting distance from your family is something to be thankful for.
KenScottOlson Good time yes BUT Hopefully Not the Best ever
Borcnation aj2w Borkowski lol. Happy thanksgiving!
Had turkey nachos. Thanksgiving2020
Love my family, but honestly, cooking for hours, and washing dishes for an hour, after they eat less than a third of it, is not fun anymore.
Eunaofumodroga
This is no satire, I promise you. He is the real MVP.
Except the Taco Bell seems like a good place to be in
You’re high but safe from Corona, good for you!
True News
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 'Meanwhile, my parents are on the other side of the country and in a totally different timezone, so our entire interaction this year was a five-minute phone call while I packed this bowl. There truly is so much to be thankful for.”
I don’t understand, this is a true story. Why is posting it?
Haha! Preach
the42questions this guy is living the dream.
aschuman This is hilarious
MichaelHinni
stevebuscemily DanManCarney
taraleeco nikonislove
MurdaMayne17 lol
tacobell can have that effect on you....
Is that Wil Wheaton? wilw
He won't have the best day after Thanksgiving if he's eating Taco Bell.
How is this an Onion article?
Not the Onion ;)
Lol
🤣🤣🤣❤️
shrink4men Nice...families eh? My dad dying. But hanging in there. Raced around him to find care out of hospital. Found perfect place. Sister in law steps in sez she's found alternate. F off insay. Nah, insisted on family meeting. Sigh...
So true
Whoa whoa whoa, when did you show up? 🤣
RexChapman That was the most hilarious paragraph of unnecessary information I have ever read on twitter 😂😂😂😂😂 the details...
Don’t forget to add that he’s probably shitting his pants from the Taco Bell.
I feel sorry for this guy
this man obviously doesn't have access to a Wawa gobbler.
Fake news, he’s wearing pants.
I haven’t gotten out of my pj’s all day. How glorious!
GrantimusPrime
I went to Jack in the Box. Because nothing celebrates 2020 like a guilty exchange with a clown in a suit.
Usually the onion stories are fake aren't they?
TimJDillon Did you write this article? Straight from your podcast.
SovietSergey Taco Bell? RIP his anus.
parkerkfox that u?
It would be if they had fucking potatoes.
Ain't that the truth
thekjohnston Not to be a buzzkill, but some of us don't have anyone to avoid. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles... all dead. I'm divorced, no kids, live alone. Minus the weed and Taco Bell, this is every fucking day of my fucking life.
I wanted Taco Bell today! They were closed here!
CelesteCunning 🤣
jaketapper That’s actually false. tacobell is closed on Thanksgiving! Get your facts right tapper. 😉
Yassss
Marmel Wake and bake Portland style!
thekjohnston 😂
danthaman_man
thekjohnston I think my Christmas2020 is going to be the same! :)
You're either Bell or Del and I am definitely DelTaco but appreciate the sentiment. 😀
munin Mofo I’m in that cozy spot right next to you lol so real 😸 And throw on some football my man 😸🐾🐾🐾🏈🍻🦃🍕🎉🎶🎶🎶🐾🐾🐾🐾☕️🐾🐾🐾😸😹😹💙💙💙and some ‘nip 😹🐾🐾🐾🐾
Yeah, if I've learned anything from American stand-up comedians and sitcoms it's that families are horrible and holidays with family are the worst. This lockdown thing is a blessing, no?
TrueFactsStated Nonfiction
Thanksgiving with no family feuds!🍷
I almost thought that was SeanRossSapp in the photo. 🤣
_mantis_ nubreed064 bruh 😂😎
pinchetrombone
brg1247 knows
rksbell
ilovejohnkimble
LDNLove 😂
Keeping family safe!
Same fam
The Onion is back!
I thought the onion was 'fake news'... this is 100 percent true.
Mmm, Indica & soft tacos 🌮😋🌿🚬😌
LifeGoals
Um this is very disrespectful to me I am a Christian woman and smoking is very unhealthy you should be ashamed taco bell
RexChapman more like NotTheOnion amirite? 😁
yvonnewanda
Lol Nice
Also no racist drunckle to fight with.
lanceanger
used to be know for satire. 🐮🐮
In other news, is turning into regular news outlet. 🐮🐮
I’m doing something similar except not Taco Bell lol. But THC will go nicely with my food coma.
ChemicalAT if I ate Taco Bell, I would get High too
Literally the truth, except that taco bell was closed today.
Really good stay at home advertisement STAYATHOME WearAMask
noplacelike_it 😎
jaketapper I could relate to that when i was that age. Now my kids are that age and I can still relate.
elcondore HA! thanks for the laff...
Checkmate, Taco Bell isn’t open on thanksgiving. I checked.
Damn, well there’s always Christmas
best Onion tweet...ever?
Thanklessgiving? HedonicUrge
jaketapper Everybody should have something to be grateful for
Okay bur that man doesnt know hes being watched
jaketapper There’s a price to pay for eating Taco Bell. It comes in darkness and with stealth. And then it pounces. Caveat emptor.
realnickrangel 😂
Winner winner, chicken dinner. The Onion remains the best news source there is!!!😂😂😂😂
Sounds like TimJDillon
jaketapper Haha. No drama. Been binge watching tv all day. Me and hubby will still eat a good meal- TV trays in front of tv.
Hell yeah, don't even need to be bothered with having to answer about having no kids at 40!
Yeah buddy don't you know it!
thegoodgodabove I used to have Thanksgiving like that a couple times a week.
Can2_0
Make it Chinese food leftovers and this is me!
If I got high I would not eat that garbage called tacobell
jaketapper That new grilled cheese chalupa is fire! tacobell I miss you 😔
I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire
jaketapper
We love our taco bell! Check out our flag on our page!
Thanksgiving? That's a normal tuesday
jaketapper He's got the right idea, lol!
I’ve done that when I was younger...watching the MST3K Thanksgiving marathon. Pure bliss...
HughAcheson
jaketapper For years I simply referred to today as 'taco and beer day'.
Just add 'watching MST3K's Turkey Day Marathon' to that headline and that is literally me right now.
downy55
jaketapper Same 😂
NyamineED
This you CoreyGloor?
buttcasino
...until the taco bell kicks in. Then be will be having the shittiest evening of his life.
AoDespair 😂😂😂
ReggieTales
jaketapper sorry fam I'm sick gonna have to kick back today
I sent this article all my family
jaketapper 👍👍👏👏😂😂
You're losing it The Onion! This is peak Thanksgiving now haha. Happy Thanksgiving
Man...good times
jaketapper No Turkey , Ham and Chocolate orange herbs for dessert , I do what I want
jaketapper This is how all Holiday's should be spent!
jaketapper Disgusting
jaketapper M_Reilley
jaketapper Sounds lonely
jaketapper Exactly what I'm doing over Christmas. Sitting in getting wrecked, fat and drunk. 👍
jaketapper Lucky dufus😀
Not a parody headline
jaketapper I see you, jaketapper
🤣🤣🤣
Is that Will Wheaton?
Sounds like he’s having the best thanksgiving of his life too tbh
SuperWiki LOL this is great
tkloosterhuis84
Zantigos! Fight me
thegoodgodabove Come on, The Onion.....this is NOT satire!!!!!
A slacker after my own heart!
In other news, is into an MSM outlet. 🐮🐮
also, your mom's best Thanksgiving of her life.
God I wish that were me
Is taco bell open? Do they deliver?
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Source: TODAYshow - 🏆 389. / 55 Read more »
Source: CNBC - 🏆 12. / 72 Read more »
Source: TODAYshow - 🏆 389. / 55 Read more »
Source: TODAYshow - 🏆 389. / 55 Read more »
Source: Eater - 🏆 368. / 59 Read more »
Source: latimesfood - 🏆 699. / 51 Read more »