Losing My Teenage Dream

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.ColtonLHaynes says that before he came to Hollywood, he was confidently queer. He writes that years of mixed messages in the industry changed that

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Actor Colton Haynes, 16, on his way to an Abercrombie & Fitch casting call in New York City. Photo: Courtesy of Colton Haynes Squeal for me, piglet,” I said. “Want me to feed you your food?” ¶ The voice on the other end of the phone moaned. ¶ “You want to get fat for your master, little piggy?” I continued. “You like that? Now oink for me. Tell me how much you love your owner.” ¶ It was 2006, and this was my first job in Los Angeles, as a phone-sex operator.

After I returned home, I received a package from the writer. He had gotten my address from a mutual friend. It contained some calling cards — I had lied and told him I was out of minutes for my cell phone when he’d asked for my number — and an expensive calculator because I’d mentioned I wasn’t doing well in math class. I found his gifts to be encouraging. If all I have to do is bat my eyes and flirt with people to get opportunities in Hollywood, I thought, that’s already what I do all the time.

“Sure,” I said. I began singing “Home,” from the Broadway musical Beauty and the Beast. After a few beats, he stopped me.I handed him one of my comp cards from the modeling agency, which was all I had. He studied it. Suddenly, I didn’t want to be there. “I’ve seen enough,” he said. “You should come to acting class tonight. I’d like to represent you.” That was it. After months of waiting, it felt too easy. And confusing.

The next day, I met Ethan at his apartment, where he was rooming with a few other young actors, all of whom seemed straight and uninterested in befriending me. We began with our lines. Eventually, I had to take off my pants. I stared into Ethan’s eyes, feeling everyone else’s eyes on my body. I pulled down my boxers, and I got on my knees. I turned Ethan, bare naked, toward the audience and began performing a fake oral-sex scene on him. Then he threw me down on all fours and simulated penetration while my dick flapped back and forth, slapping against my stomach. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at the audience.

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ColtonLHaynes You will always be an amazing person ❤

ColtonLHaynes what a heartbreaking story. thank you ColtonLHaynes for being brave enough to speak out

ColtonLHaynes Bullshit he took the money just admit it dude

ColtonLHaynes ColtonLHaynes I want to hug you so bad after reading this ❤😔

ColtonLHaynes Wait so he’s not queer anymore?!?

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