Lines Come To Standstill Outside Wisconsin Polls After State’s Official Voting Pen Rolls Under Vending Machine

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MADISON—Authorities confirmed Wednesday that the already long six-hour lines had come to a standstill at Wisconsin polls after the state’s official voting pen rolled under a vending machine. “We regret to inform voters that earlier today, an elderly poll worker mistakenly dropped the only available voting pen in all of Wisconsin and watched helplessly as it went past the bubbler and got stuck in a dark, hard to reach corner,” said Wisconsin Elections Commission spokesperson Katheryn Vanderheyden, adding that already overrun polls would be closed statewide until the writing utensil, which was the only utensil allowed to be used to cast a vote since 1978, could be located and returned. “As of this morning, we know that the pen is pert’ near the back. We just don’t know where about that darn thing went. Officials have tried everything from shining a flashlight down there and looking for a stick or something to fish it out, believe you me.” At press time, the Supreme Court had reportedly ordered the polls to shut down once again after election authorities located the pen, only to find out it was out of ink.\n

-hour lines had come to a standstill at Wisconsin polls after the state’s official voting pen rolled under a vending machine.

near the back. We just don’t know where about that darn thing went. Officials have tried everything from shining a flashlight down there and looking for a stick or something to fish it out, believe you me.” At press time, the Supreme Court had r eportedly ordered the polls to shut down once again after election authorities located the pen, only to find out it was out of ink.

 

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Merkt's vending machine?

Hoping for a presidential change soon so that satire becomes meaningful again.

HUNTER BIDEN'S BUSINESS DEALS in the UKRAINE, CHINA and RUSSIA and using his FAMILY NAME and FATHER'S VICE-PRESIDENCY to ENRICH the BIDEN FAMILY, as well as, keeping himself CRACKED UP 24/7! SCREWING CHINESE CHILDREN, OBAMA'S DAUGHTER and his 14-year old NIECE! Using his 9.5 INCH

CRStoli 😂

😂

Ya... we're in a real pickle, doncha know...?

Tough couple of years for The Onion.

Pens are FREE in NYC. Looks like they ordered 1 million free pens! No problem with pens...

Noooo

I thought they still punched holes in cheese slices

Ya'll are going off on Wisconsin, hah.

For a minute I read this not knowing it was Onion and part of me believed it

Ha, haha

all hell is going to break lose when they realize the ink is dry

Where else but Wisconsin lol

WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS HAD BUTTER FINGERS?

I consider myself a man of faith as theres a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that’ll be a home run. And so that’ll make it a 4-0 ballgame. I dont know if I’ll ever be putting on this headset again.

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