Jesus Christ Starts Rival Eternal Paradise After Family Rift

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THE COSMOS—In an acrimonious parting of ways that follows more than two millennia of heavenly collaboration, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, announced Friday He had started a rival eternal paradise after a bitter falling out with family. “Due to differing visions of what the future of heaven should…

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THE COSMOS—In an acrimonious parting of ways that follows more than two millennia of heavenly collaboration, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, announced Friday He had started a rival eternal paradise after a bitter falling out with family.

“Due to differing visions of what the future of heaven should look like, I have decided to leave the family business and build My own promised land,” Our Lord and Savior said of the new concept afterlife He calls JC’s Spot, which reportedly offers bespoke services to high-end clientele and includes strategic cross-faith partnerships with Buddha, Vishnu, and His father’s longtime rival Satan. “Heaven is stuffy, antiquated, and out of touch with what people want from salvation.

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Missed opportunity, not after family rift, due to schizophrenia.

how Christianity split-off from Judaism

If we could...just get everyone fighting everyone else like cats and dogs, etc...

Beating the Babylon Bee on their own turf

Jesus Christ starts rival religion because he didn’t profit from the one created from the book of fiction written about him as the main character.

Did he join Craig?

My religion is eclectic already. Where do I get my entry 🎟

Surely you can talk this out chrisjswilson ?

Related: 'He's So Obsessed With His Fucking Startup We Barely Have Sex Anymore' Mary Magdalene Laments

Can’t wait for crypto-Christ

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