Jennette McCurdy Is Glad Her Mom Is Dead (Along With Her Nickelodeon Career)

” she said. “Which it shouldn’t be.” But it’s not like her mother liked it when McCurdy was sick; she was simply instructed to work through it, even as a child. “There was one time where I got strep throat six times in one year,” she said. “I see it now, it was just a result of burnout and exhaustion. But she was, at that point, so ill that she couldn’t intervene, but I still had her voice in my head.” McCurdy ended up developing a resistance to the antibiotics she was given to treat the strep.

Most of McCurdy’s thoughts about Grande, meanwhile, are rooted in her own anxiety and jealousy of working with another woman who seemed to be getting more from The Creator than she was. “I grew up in Garbage Grove in a goddamned hoarder house with a cancerous mom who constantly wept about not being able to afford rent and utility bills,” she writes.

“People would always say the catchphrases: ‘Hey, Sam, where’s the fried chicken?’ or ‘Eat any turkey legs recently?’ or ‘How’s that ham?’ It was adding trauma onto a pile of trauma.” Her eating disorders weren’t just about staying skinny either. “Bulimia was really the thing that was my form of avoidance, it was my form of distraction,” she said. “It is so inherently exhausting to binge and purge. This is a vessel for my anxiety, and then I purge, and then I have no energy left to think about anything and I just want to go to sleep. That, as painful as it was, was easier than facing,.

But she also still holds so much shame. It’s not shame about anything her mother did to her; it’s actually about her career. Almost a decade removed from the work she did as a literal child, McCurdy is ashamed about the work left in her wake. “I think the content is embarrassing. I just wish I had never done it,” she said. “I appreciate the financial stability. I’m grateful for the doors that it’s opened for me in so many ways and the friendships that I’ve made.

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