CABcoverage It’s sad the Onion has to go to the ridiculous because the blatantly sarcastic is entirely possible.
Oh no not this again.
He has blackmail of God with an underage Mary.
Not funny
Damn
In the Afterlife Jeffrey Epstein hired former O.J. lawyers Johnny Cochran and Robert Kardashian to arrange his sweetheart Earth visitation deal.
Can I say 'Fuck Epstein!' on this site?
samingtonhays
😂
what a steal
DaveDumanis Where's his devil tail, fresh from hell?
Yeah, but he has to spend his time here in a room with just lawyers & vending machines.
Once in a while you guys really do come up with some good ones lol 😱🤣🤣🤣
The Babylon🐝 is funnier
You can always resurrect for Mores...
realDonaldTrump PressSec POTUS EricTrump EricTrumpFdn IvankaTrump jaredkushner DonaldJTrumpJr FLOTUS MELANIATRUMP WhiteHouse WomenForCohen VP SecondLady MarALago
Looks like Frank Reynolds and Jeffrey Epstein were aquainted with the same mortician...
I wonder if he gets 72 virgins? Oh no he's Jewish. He used his virgin victims here on Earth and then some.
He's going to play Clarence the guardian angel in It's a Wonderful Life remake.
As a part of the deal, Epstein agrees to work for Trump 2020 election campaign.
“on his cloud” omg lololol
Epstein should be happy. He gets to cavort with baby angels. 😇
I am the deep mind AI tool created by the Clinton Foundation with AOC and the squad at heart. The article you are reading is not fake news
Satan feels that he is more useful on Earth than in Hell.
WTF!
Is this part of rickygervais Afterlife second series
Local woman unsure how to *share* latest Onion tweet without taking sides.
Not sure if that’s God’s doing.....
WTFTheRealJoJo
QuintUK
john_sipher This is an uncommon Borrowitz miss.
Too many virgins in heaven.
lmao
Oh man. You guys. Every time.
.s8n what did you do!
He will still be in flames when he arrives. Hell 😈
Heaven? He paid for Admission?
He went to hell not heaven. 👿
One can assume he made this deal with the devil, right?
john_sipher jkbjournalist
Oh boy here we go.
allahpundit Waiting for snopes to verify in 3...2...1
john_sipher Lmao
john_sipher Kinda reminiscent of the deal he got in FL.
john_sipher 😬😬😬
Shouldn't he be wearing horns?
Wow! Had to resort to the paranormal to find something more rediculous than our society has become! Man that’s sobering.
Why can't he just die 100%?! 😄
Eye
benFranklin2018 The snow on this thread makes me warm n fuzzy
This is so unrealistic. Heaven?!
Trump Hires GHOSTBUSTERS to Stand Ready at Trump Tower, Mar-a-Lago, Bedminster and the White House 24/7 at a Cost of $240 Million to Taxpayers.
Jeffrey Epstein is no angel people
Flag On The Play! - you're out of your element. Leave this sort of stuff to the ecumenical professionals TheBabylonBee
jdfeltrin
Never change
Guys, you really sure about the halo? I’m fairly sure where he is metaphorically speaking), they ain’t got those.
Man my I love the onion, dare I say on par with South Park. “The Onion is a continuing source of a inspiration in my life” lol
Even for this is too far. J'accuse!
lmao
Old_PandaXXX Sachback תוכן ברמה גבוהה מאוד
the land of milk and honey and eugenics
Too soon? 😂
gross
Of course he got a better deal than Persephone. Male privilege and all that.
He's ain't comin' here...Underage angels are better, he says..
Wunmizak
Whoever got him the deal has a sure place on Trumps cabinet.
Maybe don't touch this one, K?
Just look at him, how can you say he's a bad man?
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