Jacksonville Couple Successfully Mates To Help Save Endangered Jaguars Fan Base

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JACKSONVILLE, FL—Scoring a victory for NFL preservationists worried that these rare creatures could disappear forever, local Jacksonville couple Michael Larson, 30, and Brittany Gill, 28, successfully mated Tuesday in an attempt to help save the endangered Jaguars fan base. “This population has dwindled down to practically nothing over the last decade, so any news of potential new Jaguars fan being born is wonderful,” said local Jaguars activist Brian Hodge, who claimed that without additional breeding programs and support from the local government, the next generation may never see these beautiful fans in their black, teal, and gold coats. “Jaguars fans occupy a very small habitat along the Atlantic coast where they are in constant threat by encroaching Bucs and Falcons markets. Sadly, many young Jacksonville fans will die in boating or hunting accidents before reaching sexual maturity, but once they breed they can produce a dozen offspring, and most of those will go on to become adult Jaguars fans. So we still have hope this population will endure.” At press time, the survival of the young Jaguars fan was in question after the mother lost her job at Hobby Lobby and started talking about moving to Houston.\n

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Scoring a victory for NFL preservationists worried that these rare creatures could disappear forever, local Jacksonville couple Michael Larson, 30, and Brittany Gill, 28, successfully mated Tuesday in an attempt to help save the endangered Jaguars fan

base. “This population has dwindled down to practically nothing over the last decade, so any news of potential new Jaguars fan being born is wonderful,” said local Jaguars activist Brian Hodge, who claimed that without additional breeding programs and support from the local government, the next generation may never see these beautiful fans in their black, teal, and gold coats. “Jaguars fans occupy a very small habitat along the Atlantic coastmany young Jacksonville fans will die in boating or hunting accidents before reaching sexual maturity, but once they breed they can produce a dozen offspring, and most of those will go on to become adult Jaguars fans. So we still have hope this population will endure.

the survival of the young Jaguars fan was in question after the mother lost her job at Hobby Lobby and started talking about moving to Houston.

 

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tokenizedtweets 0xbC7B03bE761743D7173513EceCBd09Afd0D9a6d4

They saved the jaguar, when the two got mated? That's pretty rough.

DAMN that's cold!

End up having a nonbinary kid that isn't into football

Meanwhile i’ll just sit on my rising home value while most of New York moves to my street. nocatee GOJAGS

Lmao BrianBartley90

BengermanPlays

Citizens of Jacksonville should not be allowed to reproduce

HelloGreedo GOTCHA!

Show me a video or I’m not believing it

All aboard!

xTRIPLExOGx

Gotta keep it alive I guess 🤷‍♂️

LeslieDOwens 💀

The Trevor Lawrence hype train will help the species with a brief respite this fall.

ericvdunn

therealjjanze

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's BORTELIN TIME!

😂 😂 😂 😂

CoachChip30 Stone cold

Davisrparks

UncleChaps

mastur_nate

(Having just re-watched The Good Place again)

Yet the Jaguars fan base is 1000x the size of the amount of people that read the onion

uncle_baseball

hawkblogger 'BORTLES!'

JKillJagSwag904

RT : Jacksonville Couple Successfully Mates To Help Save Endangered Jaguars Fan Base Raising your child to be a Jaguars fan is a form of child abuse.

DUUUVAL

Ross_Lennon

😂

fyi Chrisbcox ;)

And they named him “Jason” . . .

DUUUUUVVVAAAAALLLLLLLLL

Meanwhile in Detroit the 30 year sterilization efforts appears to haven been given a considerable boost.

javierka86 jajajajajaja

DeAugieDogie CoachBouzas 😂😂😂

TheJeffReport

Well now they just need Dolphins, Steelers, bears, lions, cardinals, colts, raiders, Bucs, Bengals and chargers to all mate to out attend the Jags in avg home game attendance the last few years

That's just what the world needs right now, people from Jacksonville mating...

charlescwcooke

Wtf? Lol

TeddyFoster50

On one hand it’s nice to see this endangered fan base grow in numbers again, but the idea of two people from Jacksonville mating makes me afraid for the world

Ok, at least they got a winner in AEW .

WillWestWNML Cub grows up, identifies as genus, cheers for Panthers

18MgBrts74

I hope they give birth to a franchise quarterback!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

What about Jets fans?

XUCryptKeeper 😂

🤣🤣🤣

dajuiceman19

Yet still somehow manage to birth a Carolina Hurricane’s fan.

Almost certain they live in Murray Hill or some shit

This is Gabe_James

TonyKhan

BigJohnson177

davpresto SWhyno

d1s1ntegrat1on

And they named their offspring Urban.

Devolution in action

Got to also include Lions fans

TronCarterNLU BigRandyNLU

BORTLES

So, uh, no union contract, huh?

Jason Mendoza did more than anyone ever could

I am NOT clicking that link

😇

ShannonOgden1 😂😂😂

if boss didn't have the shotty i would be using it right now

Baby's first word was 'DUUUVAAALL'

That's Child Abuse

Not_A_GM

First round pick in 2040 draft

HelloGreedo , thought you’d get a laugh over this. Not throwing any shade... my Bears are perpetually mediocre or trash.

Former resident - can confirm

I didn't even know that was a team

wha1en

Jacksonville fan from Canada. When I say fan I mean I like the logo. Looks good on a hat.

Guilty.

wasryanthere

UncleChaps Assault.

omar_rumman

MattSpratley

ericvdunn

I am once again personally attacked by an Onion tweet and will be consulting my lawyer posthaste.

ZConstant

“At press time, the survival of the young Jaguars fan was in question after the mother lost her job at Hobby Lobby” Legit

OscarNunezLA nbcthegoodplace you had something to do with this I bet

afcabreza :(

Just imagine the drama that's going to ensue when they find a Tampa Bay jersey under their kid's bed one day?

The kid will be a bucs fan.

i feel attacked

I’d rather see real Jaguars 🐆 eat all the remaining Jaguars fans.

Conservation is so important

OscarNunezLA In 2020, the Chargers opened the brand new, five billion dollar, state of the art facility they share with the Rams to zero Chargers fans in attendance. So, basically, nothing changed.

J_SHOWalter7 aren’t you a Jags fan?

5kl Is that Jason and Janet?

OscarNunezLA

Wilde_River

These people are too pretty to be from Jacksonville. Then again, I can't see their teeth

OscarNunezLA

OscarNunezLA Woah woah woah... you take it easy over here. 😆

Jags fan here. Baby coming in April. I’m doing my part!

blakerss

BoRTLeS!

UncleChaps

You mean nbcthegoodplace didn’t grow the fan base?!

JLeeRichter

Taking one for the team, literally

Brady should cast his seed the same way he tosses picks

Offspring identifies as Dolphins fan

LMFAO💀

Booortals!

Meanwhile, Bengals fans have given up. We are ready for extinction.

PeterSchorschFL just vicious

where's Jake Jortles when you need him?

don't mind me! i am just the mail snail delivering some mail to JohnBishop100!

The zoo hopes they will be more successful than the giant pandas but prospects remain guarded

Where's the baby tho? We need receipts!

Banger tweet king

MannyJacinto Go Jaguars! TheGoodPlace

Could be worse, could have been Browns fans... 4 bagger, 2 each.

This is a good one.

gurtronica

I would hate to be that child

Brendan_Tobin

UncleChaps thoughts?

tayveejones

HelloGreedo face reveal

Oh good. I heard they were having trouble for awhile until they got a new delivery man

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