Instagram Was Affecting My Mental Health, So I Quit. Here's What I Didn't See Coming.

Whenever I’ve used Instagram with any frequency, I have found it to be the most expedient way for me to feel simultaneously inadequate, overwhelmed and depressed.

I’ve suffered from chronic, low-grade depression for as long as I can remember. It’s a reality akin to experiencing the world in light shades of gray. To even pretend to feel good about myself, I have to exercise, see a therapist, try to eat right, read self-help books, meditate, burn sage, clear my chakras and sometimes take medication that has never quite worked for me.

where everyone appears to be happy and #unbothered was starting to make my depression even harder to manage than usual. I listen to them with the anxiety of a student who didn’t do the reading the night before, hunting for context clues and asking questions everybody else already knows the answers to, thanks to their constantly flowing social media feeds. I long for the days when we can engage in a discussion that doesn’t require Instagram as a prerequisite, but in my social circles, when the real world shut down, Instagram stepped in to take its place and became inescapable.

While the introvert in me was delighted in my self-imposed hiatus, the longer I stayed away, the more I started to realize the unintended consequences of being an offline recluse. My feelings of social media anxiety were replaced with real-life isolation, and at times I didn’t know which one I should choose.

I haven’t told a lot of people that I struggle with depression. But my extended sabbatical from social media has forced me to “come out” in a way. The idea of confessing that I suffer from a mental illness is more than enough to incite a depressive episode. It feels embarrassing to me, a disconnect from my self-image as a strong Black woman. And yet, fortunately or unfortunately, I’ve struggled with depression long enough to know that it isn’t about being strong.

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