I Wrote the Bill

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Hey there, ho there, young women of the Internet. My name is Joe Biden and I’m not on your SlapChats or TikTaks but I came here to let you know two very important things. Number one, I am running for president of the United States of America, following behind the excellent example of my good friend Barack Obama. Barack, as I like to call him since we’re friends, is like a brother to me. I speak to my brother every day, in fact, no one has spoken to Barack as much as I have. He believes in me. He supports my dreams to be president. I’m sorry, what was that? Did you say endorsement? Please don’t interrupt me, I am taking my full time to speak.

of the United States of America, following behind the excellent example of my good friend Barack Obama. Barack, as I like to call him since we’re friends, is like a brother to me. I speak to my brother every day, in fact, no one has spoken to Barack as much as I have. He believes in me. He supports my dreams to be president. I’m sorry, what was that? Did you say endorsement? Please don’t interrupt me, I am taking my full time to speak.

Sometimes my wife Jill—do you see how her name rhymes with bill—sometimes when we’re aloneAnd another thing, it looks like I’ve got about 15 seconds left, I love women. I love all kinds of women. No one loves or respects women more than I do. Not even former President Barack Obama, a dear friend of mine, or any other candidate still running has done as much for women. Senator Warren, please put your hand down, I didn’t cut you off when it was your turn. I am a gentleman.

 

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