In the legal counselor’s office at the battered women’s shelter, I sat in a numb haze. Through the thick August humidity and the fan’s white noise, I clung onto a wisp of clarity: I knew it.The sting of my mother’s exasperation jolted me back into reality. I was unaware I had muttered this thought aloud.
I remember my mother reaching back from the front passenger seat of Danny’s red Blazer, offering me a McDonald’s vanilla ice cream cone after the bladder surgery I had at 5 years old. Now I know that bladder dysfunction at that age is often a sign of sexual abuse. She never discovered self-respect or her own agency. Her sense of self was limited to her relationship with Danny, endlessly forgiving his behavior, not realizing that was her role in an abusive cycle.
My breaking point came the summer before my senior year. When Danny saw me packing my lunch for marching band camp, he was so livid that my 3-year-old brother climbed the stairs to alert my mother: “Daddy’s gonna hit sissy!” Even though he didn’t strike me in that moment, leaving was an easy decision. I told my mother that I was done; an hour later I walked out the door.
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