The red patches were moving up my friend’s throat like a rising thermometer.
“It’s hard,” she warned of being a mother. “You think you know, but you don’t know how hard it actually is until you’re in it.”Growing up, I regularly heard my father say he wished he would have waited to have me, and, from an early age, I knew not to make the same mistake. “Ready” for me has come later in life than most but not because I didn’t want to have children.
So, in my 40s, I started to consider intentionally becoming a single mother, and soon thereafter, I met a wonderful man who didn’t want children. At the time, I wrote about how I wrestled with this relationship and the certainty of my desire to have a child,. No doubt deluded by love, I hoped he would consider dating me as a single mother particularly because we had a strong friendship. But when Scotland went into lockdown, it was logical for us to “separate,” he said.
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