I am often swimming in negative notions of how my greatest personal tragedy is my inability to meet the needs of my children consistently. Their own tragedies are only a handicap in the race of life easily to overcome, or so I once believed.
I waited patiently to go through the metal detecting process, each minute cutting into the hour, the only hour, I had with my son today. After being cleared for entry, I sprinted down the hallway with my partner. I eventually found my son among the milieu of other children. He smiled when he saw me. He was only wearing a blue t-shirt and a diaper. His diaper was heavily soiled. I asked one of the many available staff of mental health support “counselors” for a clean diaper.
One of the counselors told me he doesn’t know, and runs to ask a nurse, while another counselor is quick to say, “None of us know why he is even here.
The psychiatrist was a small-framed man in his fifties. He wore a salmon-colored polo shirt and loosely pleated khakis. Before we could share any pleasantries he immediately told us he doesn’t believe my son has a seizure disorder. I remained silent, even though I knew it was not his medical specialty, and none of his business. He wanted to take him off all his medication.
I received a hurried call the next morning that Dominic was leaping from tables, screaming, pulling off his diaper and urinating over furniture, and was generally not acting human. They could not keep him safe. The children around him weren’t safe. It’s hard to imagine my 33 pound 4-year-old was any match for the teenagers on the unit. Still, I was told, he was too dangerous. Dangerous, but still OK to be returned to my care at the end of the week.
It has nothing to do with your parenting abilities! Take a breath and keep trying! Make sure the facility does not cause more problems and any division between you and your boy. Keep him involved in something he loves and try not to let it be video games! Worst therapy ever!
Oh my heart 😢 Thoughts and hope and dreams with you and your boy ❤️
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