How Unemployment Benefits Work

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Over 6 million Americans filed for unemployment benefits last week, and the last three weeks have seen the largest rise in unemployment claims in U.S. history, with many people now embroiled for the first time in an often confusing process. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide to how unemployment benefits work.

Over 6 million Americans filed for unemployment benefits last week, and the last three weeks have seen the largest rise in unemployment claims in U.S. history, with many people now embroiled for the first time in an often confusing process.STEP 1: Lose your fucking job.STEP 3: Show proof of unemployment status by displaying empty pockets.

STEP 5: Qualifying applicants required to submit weekly claims detailing deepest, darkest secrets to be used as collateral.STEP 7: Confirm you’ve been spending minimum of 26 hours per day looking for new job.STEP 9: Unable to navigate complicated unemployment system, instead start GoFundMe page.STEP 10: Receive huge check to spend on frivolities like groceries and electric bills.

 

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11. Buy more craft beer and lottery tickets.

Contradictio in terminis: 'UB' and 'work'...

Receive huge check to spend on frivolities like groceries and electric bills. 👌👌👌👌

been that way forever though... but, hey, let's care now. which is why i don't care about this virus thing... i'm healthy, protected, and I got mine, so screw...

Cc: __SHIGETO ?

topical

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