Q: “My 15-year-old daughter, who has ADHD, told me the other day that she doesn’t want to live as a girl anymore. She wants to explore living as a boy. She has been struggling in school lately, and she attributes it to her identity questions. How can I help her with this discovery?”
It took courage for your daughter to share this with you, and, if she’s like other kids I know who are questioning their gender, it’s something she’s been contemplating for a while. If you meet her where she is, keep the lines of communication open, and give her a wide field to explore gender without expectations for consistency, she will look back and realize how lucky she is to feel the love you have for her.The first order of business is to think deeply about your response, because this will set the tone for your whole family’s response.
When a child questions their gender identity, there is often a major shift in parental compassion, based on how these gender ideas are now upset. It’s critical that you examine your feelings about this major shift apart from her, preferably with an experienced therapist.
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