Vol 56 Issue 22, Government, Police

Vol 56 Issue 22, Government

How To Reform The Police

How To Reform The Police

6/3/2020 9:39:00 PM

How To Reform The Police

Sustained protest against the U.S. police system following the killing of Black man George Floyd by a white Minneapolis officer have spotlighted the need for police reform in America, although advocates offer many different solutions. The Onion looks at ways to reform the police in America.\n

The Onionlooks at ways to reform the police in America.AdvertisementDisqualify applicants who list “use of excessive force” under special skills section of resume.AdvertisementEncourage departments to be more transparent about why exactly public will never in a million years be permitted to see any officer’s disciplinary records.

California police seeking white man and woman who defaced Black Lives Matter mural U.S. COVID-19 Deaths Near 130,000; Florida And Texas Report Record Case Numbers Sam Mendes Creates U.K. Theater Fund, Backed by Netflix and Steven Spielberg

AdvertisementTrain officers how to de-escalate violence caused by rest of their training.Replace police firearms with slide whistles and novelty guns that shoot white flags.AdvertisementHost “listening sessions” within communities to kick issue down road.

$500 bonus for cops who don’t kill unarmed black people.Enhance community trust by having officers go door to door sharing their deepest, darkest secrets.AdvertisementAssign every cop a quick-witted, fast-talking partner to keep mood light and fun.Advertisement

Begin stopping citizens on street or pulling their cars over to issue apology notes.AdvertisementCreate a police that polices the police, then maybe a police that policesthatpolice, and then a police that polices the policing police, and... Read more: The Onion »

Tie weekly pay bonuses to behavior, document same. Maybe even the bad apples will act better if there is an immediate reward. Oh yeah, and that consequence for bad actors thing, that too. What? Bribe cops to do the right thing? Yeah I said it. Holy shit, they cracked the code! Or equiptthepolicewithbubblewands

The question isn’t how WOULD this work? The question is how WOULDN’T this work. or an animal partner So far so good... “You can’t breathe? Try driving around wearing a Kevlar vest that’s one size too small!” We could hire out of work comedians and make it like CCC for them. I like the good cop/wry cop model better than bad cop/racist cop.

I don't like cops. And cops don't like me. Dog partners! Gives Dance Club a new meaning... Works Great for deescalation! I don't think they managed to clone Chris Tucker already This is a good thought 💭 You are much less far from reality than you know. Probably make things worse. Martin Riggs. Make that partner a dog

The bonus and the last one 👌👌 mntnwzrd66 Where do I apply? I can’t count the number of times we reformed the police. We don’t need a police reformation, we need Police in the first place 🤷🏻‍♀️ Like the old TV show Adam-12? WWJWD. What would Jack Webb do? Everybody loves magic. 'Nothing up my sleeve... wait, it's pepper spray!'

I 100% support these ideas Whatta 'bout Chris 'Cigaweed' Tucker? There are enough comics to go around Could Martin Riggs please unretire? Ideal. What about a good hearted one with a mysterious back story who breaks the rules if necessary to get the job done to protect the weak and deliver fair justice in an unjust system?

Doug Stanhope Poke an officer in his stomach in some tense hostage operation just to keep him on the edge 21st Century Nightmares for today's young people. Society would shut down completely were it not for The Onion. yes Or, failing that, an adorably awkward dog High IQ police recruits are usually rejected on the rationale that they'll get bored and quit.

Good idea. If only life was as easy as movies. Maybe a 'helper' like Nestor. Just do what these guys do: So basically, good cop/bad cop? Genius. FridayFeeling FridayThoughts Resist You don't want the cops to look happy as they beat you up man, that's messed up ThisSpoonyBard “$500 bonus for cops who don’t kill unarmed black people.” Might actually work.

New uniforms. Best Onion headline in a while. Better cop cams that are always on would be a big help. Unfortunately honesty and integrity aren't as important to people as they used to be, so video evidence is more important than ever The Onion isn't satire anymore Chicken79753422 Usually Onion articles are pretty meh, only good for memes, but that was superb. Absolutely dripping with salt.

Nepotism is the number one enemy. Office Thao knew Chauvin (brother-in-law) and did not tell him to get his knee off. 1. Disband them The need to deploy a tough-as-nails veteran police officer who rides the beat with his rookie partners has never been more vital. Get Sting to phone Andy and Stewart How to be a good cop: 1. Quit.

you expect those $500 bonuses to just appear out of thin air? no let me guess the taxpayers should foot the bill. where does it end genius, how hasnt anyone thought of this before Asfgh Make them carry a votive candle. Everybody loves those. “Encourage departments to be more transparent about why exactly public will never in a million years be permitted to see any officer’s disciplinary records.”

New standard Hello Kitty riot gear 'Replace police firearms with slide whistles and novelty guns that shoot white flags.' 100% for this Kill them all the only news source i trust o7

The Moment Must Be About Real Police and Justice Reform, Not Vague HashtagsThe issue is expansive, but not untackleable. Here are some points to consider.

Biden Promises 'Era Of Action' To Battle Racial InequalityThe presumptive Democratic presidential nominee said Congress and local governments should pass police reform laws immediately. This situation is no longer just about BlackLivesMatter, It's about SAVING American DemocracyUnderThreat . If you can't see that - Remove the blinders. protests2020 UnfitAndUnstable Shame on the US Military for being trumps puppets. AmericanLivesMatter So like, where was this enthusiasm after Trayvon Martin or Eric Garner? Look realDonaldTrump A fucking REAL president.... President Biden 👍😀

Netflix CEO Reed Hastings Donates $1 Million to Police-Reform Research GroupReed Hastings, chairman and CEO of Netflix, donated $1 million to a research organization dedicated to fighting racial bias in American law enforcement using data science. The exec’s donation… sey This donation is the equivalent of someone making $100,000 per year and donating $21 lol

After George Floyd's death, 400 organizations send letter to Congress demanding immediate police reform400 organizations across the U.S., ranging from the National Bar Association to the National Association of Realtors, co-signed a letter to Congress demanding immediate police reform legislation in the wake of George Floyd's death. ❤️ When the rebellion is just embers, we don't need a mad dash of Black people on networks, we heard it all before not unless the agenda is going to be about police unions, CO's and police commissioners protecting rogue cops. 😠 cnn MSNBC FoxNews ap Lawrence davidhogg111

New York's Cuomo calls for police reforms in wake of George Floyd's deathNew York Governor Andrew Cuomo on Monday called for a national ban on chokeholds and excessive force by police and said he was concerned violent protests triggered by the death of an unarmed black man in Minneapolis could hinder New York City's reopening. KMFT Of course. Because that’s what real leaders do of which Trump is not.

New York City institutes curfew, Governor Cuomo calls for police reformsNew York Governor Andrew Cuomo on Monday called for a national ban on excessive force by police and announced a curfew for New York City following violent protests triggered by the death in Minneapolis of an unarmed black man in police custody. CuomoIsClueless FireNYPDUnion Unlike the Governor, not once did Trump talk about the underlying racism against African Americans and what he is going to do to resolve this inherent institutionalised racism nytimes washingtonpost