How to Find Friends Who Help You Be a Better You

It’s important to have friends who are a safe haven when life gets stormy. But truly supportive friendships offer more than just safety and comfort – they encourage you to grow and develop into the person you want to become, or to at least explore what that might be. They are what psychology calls a"secure base" for you.

People who are secure bases do not need you to be what they want you to be. Instead, they express caring and support for the “real” you. They encourage you to explore and pursue what matters to you. In my book,secure base for you. I have combined some of these exercises into one exercise, which I am offering here. To complete it, all you need is a sheet of paper, a pen, and your willingness to explore your relationships.

Identify and write down the names of people who are a safe haven for you. These are people who you can turn to when you are really upset and struggling.

Place a star next to the names of those you currently reach out to when you need encouragement in exploring your interests and values – these people function as secure bases in your life. The other circled names represent potential secure bases. Once you identify actual or potential secure bases in your life, you can begin strengthening those relationships. You can open up to supportive people, telling them about the interests you have or would like to explore. Then you might try talking with them as you pursue those interests, giving them to opportunity to emotionally support you, share in your excitement, and help you along the way.

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