How Organizers Plan To Keep The Tokyo Olympics Safe

Slipping one of these padded, nylon muscle suits onto every Olympian before their events will prevent skin-to-skin contact while still allowing viewers to get an idea of the impressive athletic physiques that lie below.Tokyo police have strategically placed marksmen around the city with orders of “shoot to kill” when they spot anyone exhibiting Covid symptoms.

A 6-foot gap will prevent these athletes from grappling, forcing them to swing their arms wildly in an effort to pin their opponents with air currents.Zip Drive Containg 3.7 GB Of Hardcore Pornography To dissuade athletes from interacting with one another, each will be given nearly four gigabytes of MP4 videos of gangbangs, orgies, and fuckfests in either live action or hentai form.Anthems Only Played For Countries With Handle On Pandemic

Medalists representing countries with an immunization rate below 50% will be forced to stand in shameful silence and think about how their homeland has failed.Comical Signs Describing What 6 Feet Apart Looks Like While ultimately useless in convincing attendees to stay “one dolphin apart,” “four dancing penguins apart,” or “3.5 armadillos apart,” these complete wastes of single-use plastic will humorlessly take up every square inch of wallspace in the Tokyo metropolitan area.While the balls may end up shriveled and no longer buoyant, they’ll be completely free of germs.

Ummmm. Yes.

I thought the Onion was satire. This is a NYT article

Seems like a safe and logical approach …. 🤔

this was a better plan

Faulty math 🙄

These games are cursed. They should stop them now.

A half-measure that would get results!

I thought this was an Onion article at first.

By giving cardboard beds. That's what I read somewhere

If I was the person in the javelin photo, I'd print that photo big as hell and mount it on my wall. That's fantastic.

I don’t see how double teaming dolphins makes the Olympics safer

lol! only the gold medals will be sanitized, 'If they really cared about their health the silver and bronze medalists should have tried harder'

fake news, zip drives never even got up to a gig

الصادق_ينفي_قبر_علي_في_النجف يشكي حيدر الصّميده || عباس المسعودي | هادي البديري ||كلمات: فلاح السوداني

Where are the dolphins when you need them?

Always keep a dolphins length apart. Arguably a better unit of measurement than 26 burgers or whatever you Americans are using these days.

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Athletes Are Testing Positive For COVID Before Olympics Even StartAthletes Are Testing Positive For COVID Before Olympics Even Start “Japan was already fighting a surge in COVID cases, and now, Olympic athletes who have traveled there for the Games are beginning to get sick.” Cases are bunk. PCR test produces mass false positives. What cycle are they using at NBCOlympics Olympics
Source: ScaryMommy - 🏆 116. / 63 Read more »

Here’s What Happens To Olympic Villages After The Games EndOrganizers spend billions on development for the Olympics, but what becomes of the athlete accommodation? horrible Love that!
Source: Forbes - 🏆 394. / 53 Read more »

Why do Olympic swimmers slap themselves and more of your questions — answered!Do Olympic swimmers pee in the pool and more of your questions - answered! - TODAYshow BrooklynDecker
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »

How to Watch the 2021 Tokyo OlympicsThe Olympics are finally heading to Tokyo: Here's how to watch
Source: billboard - 🏆 112. / 63 Read more »

Want to Be an Olympian? Train Smarter, Train HarderJust ahead of the Tokyo Olympics, we look at training routines of Olympians in different sports.
Source: WebMD - 🏆 709. / 51 Read more »

Tokyo Olympic Games: When are they and will they go ahead despite Covid?The Tokyo Summer Olympics begin formally on Friday, despite a surge in Covid cases in Japan. Great 👌 Stuff, let the games begin😁🇿🇦
Source: bbchealth - 🏆 143. / 63 Read more »