DearPrudie: I have been experiencing severe bouts of depression and emotional instability
I can't believe the year I've had.
Dear Prudence,My boyfriend of three years is a smart, funny, caring guy and we love each other very much. The problem is that during the past year and a half he has lost an extreme amount of weight that he really didn’t need to lose. He’s super, super skinny and unhealthy looking. Friends and family are concerned he’s seriously ill. He insists he is fine and his most recent check-up didn’t reveal any physical problems. My problem? His weight loss (done without exercise, BTW) has left him a very different person: unable to exercise without being exhausted quickly, unable to engage in sex fully because anything but “girl on top” is too tiring, and so very moody. I’ve tried for the last two years for him to get help and I’m frustrated he can’t or won’t seek it. In addition, I’m a curvy girl who has always had body-image issues. He loves my body but it’s been a long road to feeling attractive. Having my boyfriend weigh less than me, wear a smaller size than me, eat less (sometimes only a meal a day), etc., is bringing back all those feelings of being “big” and unattractive. Issues I’ve worked hard to get past. Am I a horrible person that I’m considering breaking up with him because he won’t talk to a doctor seriously about this and it is having a negative impact on most every part of our lives together?
AdvertisementAdvertisementSomething alarming is going on with your boyfriend, so please don’t make this an issue about how he’s “fat shaming” you because he’s gotten so thin. Leave your size issues out of this: Don’t compare your waist measurements, just tell him you’re profoundly concerned that he is in a health crisis. Point out that he is exhausted and moody all the time, doesn’t even have the energy for sex, and his refusal to eat more than one meal a day is having a negative impact on his health and your relationship. Ask as a favor to you if he will make a follow-up appointment with his doctor and allow you to come. If he does, you can point out to the doctor the changes over the last 18 months and its effects on your boyfriend. If he won’t let you do it, say that your relationship is on the line. Explain this is not because you don’t love him, but because something is dangerously wrong and you don’t know what to do anymore if he won’t acknowledge it or let you help.Read more: Slate »
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