Good things come to those who wait, and that’s certainly the case with an announcement out today from Santa Monica Studio. That’s right, God Of War fans! Nearly three years after the original PlayStation 4 release, a new expansion will allow Kratos to teach his son Atreus how to wash the area beneath his foreskin.
God Of Warfans! Nearly three years after the original PlayStation 4 release, a new expansion will allow Kratos to teach his son Atreus how to wash the area beneath his foreskin.AdvertisementIt’s been quite a journey to get here, but it looks like Midgard’s favorite demigod is finally going to educate his son about the importance of genital hygiene! Woo-hoo!
“What theStreams Of Spartaexpansion really focuses on is the same heartfelt father-son relationship that defined the original game, albeit filtered through the lense of proper male cleanliness,” said creative director Cory Barlog, explaining that the game makes full use of the cross-gen hardware potential to render both character’s foreskins and accumulated dead skin cells in stunning 4K.
Our hands-on with the game picked up duringa hunting trip mere moments after the originalGod Of War,in which the iconic hero beckons his young scion over to a stream and explains that the lack of circumcision in their “Greek birthing tradition” meant it was particularly important to periodically clean away bacteria and smegma that have gathered below the flap of skin. From there, we’re treated to a minigame in which the fully nude Kratos demonstrates how to gently peel back one’s foreskin and use X to wipe down the affected area with a wet rag. headtopics.com
What’s even more exciting is that Kratos voice actor Christopher Judge returns for a tour de force performance as he encourages Atreus with lines like,“Come on, boy, keep scrubbing!” and,“You must become one with nature.” Pretty cool stuff! And even cooler is that Kratos repeatedly emphasizes to his wide-eyed son that this sort of daily cleanliness routine is “nothing to be ashamed about,” patting him on the shoulder as he notes that it is a time-honored ritual for men of their lineage to prevent offensive smells and infection.
G/O Media may get a commissionThankfully, we only have a matter of weeks beforeStreams of Spartalaunches for $19.99 on August 14th. But we’re already clamoring to confirm the rumor that a branching storyline will allow Kratos to remove Atreus’s foreskin with the Leviathan Axe if his son repeatedly fails to maintain proper hygiene.
Until then, we’ll be waiting with bated breath! Read more: The Onion »
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Only the owner should ever retract a foreskin. If he's not old enough to do it for himself, it doesn't need done. The AAP says: 'Clean only what is seen. Leave it alone.' … HardDriveMag how is this not one of yours? 😂 Nice. Making light of the human rights crisis in America concerning male genital mutilation 😐
Les go BOY That headline sure is something 😂😂 Ok LETS GOOOOOOO K
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🤣😂 Bruh wtf is this article ? This is tremendous 🤣 You owe me a new phone for making me do a spit take on my phone. Also, thanks for the genuine LOL. HAHAHAHA mattarude 'I can wash better than that, BOY!' Fucking finally..
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Wth PurpleAndORNG Wowzers... maybe... maybe just go back to ur boomer humor guys. I just audibly gagged. I hope it’s multiplayer 😏 BakasaRufaro
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And yet still no ability to give Atreus a hug. Smdh 😔 Hence the game's original title, God of War Fore. belenchuelff what “Don’t be sorry…be better” Atreus is a child bro… this isn’t it 😂
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This article sucks. Finally, a story arc real gamers can learn a lesson from Son, listen . . . . use.. the Cleanex down there.. you know..eum.. where your legs meet your balls.. ok, wipe wipe.. slide, grab saq, wipe left to right.. left to right.. right to left.. right to left.. and wait a few minutes before you return..
This is one of those times you like the headline, but do you read the article? I don't think I can go there...I helped him (Spoiler alert) realize he was Loki. That's where I draw the line. Now this is too far 💀💀💀 awesome That must be his groin area? Who else is going to teach him about smegma 🤷♀️
Back when I was younger we had Sonic and Mario. These games are far too violent and inappropriate for kids to be playing. They better now show underage nudity! corybarlog Ever heard of this?