Good Sex With Emily Jamea: How to Tell Your Partner About an STI

“Well,” I told her, “You have a few options with the guys who were one-night stands. If you’re able, you could reach out to them anonymously. Simply let them know that they were a sexual partner of yours within the past two months. Let them know you tested positive forand advise them to get tested and notify any other partners they’ve had. In addition to practicing safer sex, the best way to control STIs is by controlling the spread.

“That actually sounds pretty easy when you say it like that,” she began to breathe a sigh of relief, but stopped. “But what about Darren?” “Maybe I could tell him anonymously too,” she mused.“Honestly … it would feel like a lie … especially if I can’t have sex with him for a while. Plus, there’s the chance I’ve exposed him. If he ends up catching itfinds out I knew I had it and didn’t tell him, he’d definitely break up with me. I mean, I would break up with someone if they did that to me.

“I wonder if you could use it as an opportunity to build intimacy. Being open and having the courage to be vulnerable is what strengthens relationships. What if you say something like this, ‘Darren, I know we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, but I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. I want us to be honest with each other, which is why I need to share something. I recently learned I have chlamydia.

She returned to therapy a couple of weeks later, smiling like the Alyssa from before. “How did it go?” I asked. “Better than expected! He was such a gentleman about it. He actually said the same thing happened to him after his divorce. He said he makes it a point to get tested before having sex with new partners, so he feels confident he didn’t give it to me, and he’ll get tested to make sure he’s in the clear. It led to a great discussion about sexual exclusivity while we’re getting to know each other.

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