THE HEAVENS—Expressing uncertainty about how to handle the awkward situation, The Lord God Almighty was reportedly blindsided Monday after His illegitimate son Xyzyys from the Andromeda Galaxy tracked Him down.
“Dammit, he clearly used his own money to travel here and he doesn’t have any way to get home, so I guess I kind of have to let him crash on my couch for a couple days, but my apartment is no place for a kid,” said The Supreme Being, tossing some old Miller Lites and copies of Playboy into a waste basket to accommodate His unexpected guest. “He seems like a nice enough kid, but I have to play things smart here until I can confirm that he’s really mine.
hilarious.
Hold up, what about all those other galaxies that exist-
God once got blindsided by a fallen angel and look where the angel ended up.
puzzled
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DNA shows God was a sperm donor for all living things
That Maury Povich TheMAURYShow doesn’t fuck around...
Atheists blindsided - 'god' still a thing?
Fake news! God would never have a bastard like that! It's immoral and god is good. I asked him and he told me he'd never do such a thing! Don't believe it!
But wait, isn’t he the father of all of us? So no son would be illegitimate. He can relax now.
I can only imagine how amazing those child support payments are going to be
Maury confirmed: You are the Father Almighty
Who the hell is this so called God?
Oh man I hate it when that happens. Like after 15,000 years I'm gonna remember that one nighter with that elemental hoe and magically know I got another kid? Like I'M the bad guy here? Then they expect me to just give them a moon or something.
'we WILL get that child support money'
I smell a whimsical sitcom forthcoming!
Oooo that's a lot of chikd support!
I legit wanna see that ngl lmao
Should have never accepted those Morgan Freeman roles.
fuuuuck
God To Make Special Appearance On Maury
thegoodgodabove Anything to say about this?
He gonna be on child support
And it turns out that his nom de guerre was Jesus and he hailed from a small town in Queretaro, Mexico.
Brave of you to say HE 🥴😑
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Who’s his mom?
And He suffered from an Andromeda strain when He tried to run from His past. Damn old age...
Talk about sleeping around!
Our God is the same as the dad who went to buy Cigarettes and never came back
Let's not forget, no one could rock the universe like Andromeda
In case anyone is wondering it’s pronounced “Ik-seez-eez”
TheTweetOfGod anything to say about this? You deadbeat
The title was funnier than the story.
TheTweetOfGod you kept that quiet
TheTweetOfGod
Heh heh heh Told many friends: 'When Aliens arrive with Bibles in their extraterrestrial languages, and kiss our ground, with ecstatic tears of Joy, and dance, because they've arrived on the 'God-Home' Planet, I may drop my Atheism' 🌏😂💧
Ancestry . com strikes again.
He got an immaculate reception that made God feel very blessed.
ROFL
Even worse, Jesus will have to share his bedroom.
TheTweetOfGod ?
TheTweetOfGod explain please
I seriously love you guys. I’ve called you my daily dose of sanity. Thank you so much for making me laugh.
Imagine having the balls to jump God in his own backyard. I'd worship that dude.
His son like 'D-Dad'
Mrs God about to be pissed dawg
That's what you get when you make another secret Paradise.
muhaha
🤣🤣🤣
Finally, took them long enough
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