God Announces Plans To Shift Majority Of Resources Tied Up In Humanity Project To Birds, Rocks

THE HEAVENS—Telling reporters it would be a more worthwhile enterprise in the long run, God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, announced plans Monday to shift the majority of the resources tied up in His humanity project to birds and rocks.

“I feel like I’ve kind of hit a wall with humanity and this is probably as far as it can go, but I have some exciting new ideas for rocks and birds that I’m really looking forward to exploring,” said The Creator of All Things, adding that He felt human beings had “pretty much run their course” at this point before explaining His intention to give promising rocks such as sandstone and gneiss the consideration they deserve and finally furnish birds with the longer beaks He previously did not have...

Personally, I look forward to the rock update.

He's a bit late in going this route. Hopefully it isn't too late!

Can we also increase the Flora Budget? I have some R&D ideas.

Let me guide you to the righteous path, r/birdsarentreal

Who told ya?

And the African fish eagle to rule them all

Howis this even possible? Birds aren’t even real.

Philosopher: God, why do good people get hurt? God: (ball taps Philosopher and has sex with his mother)

C'est vrai ? _dieuoff

Rock on, rocks 🤘

Popehat Good!

TrumpZombieCult That's why He's God.

Recent backslides in common sense levels to below that which God gave gnats a clear sign that humans headed for another Dark Ages and Creator simply cannot deal.

I'm guessing he's infinitely powerful but still has to multi-task.

TheTweetOfGod is this true?!

Popehat But think of the further benefits of bringing all these resources to bear on rocs instead!

Popehat Bring back non-avian dinosaurs.

SUEtheTrex Mixed emotions here, eh?

Popehat

Understandable decision

Why is god a white old man? Isn't he supposed to be a chill dude you can go get a drink with?

It was fun while it lasted!

An overdue move

angels_pimp

Not when 7 planets are in retrograde! 😨😱🤯

Understandable tbh

Keeping our streets clean only sounds like a chore until you put it that way.

thegoodgodabove ProBirdRights Finally!

pfenomenologist It’s about time.

God seems centuries, if not millenia, late on this assessment, but God may have been buying into sunk cost fallacies.

Huh. He screwed up to begin with, except he doesn't exist.

scream-laughter!

Word !!!!

But birds aren't real.....oh!

I think usidoretheblue already had that covered.

You go,God!

is this true TheTweetOfGod

Does this mean more volcanic eruptions and the return of the dinosaurs?

Better birds and rocks than cockroaches and radiation

Rocks have been underfunded for eons. It’s about time.

thegoodgodabove oh wow

It's hard to negotiate with a single deity. The ancient Greeks had several, and played one off against the other.

Dammit, my money was on squirrels.

BirdPerHour

Good call.

Hard to argue with the decision tbh

jasonmantzoukas

Probably for the best at this point.

Not a bad idea tbh

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