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Give These Excuses To Immediately Get Out Of Jury Duty

“It was me. I did it.”

9/14/2021 6:00:00 PM

“It was me. I did it.”

There’s nothing less American than performing civic duties, like paying taxes and obeying the law. Here are the best excuses to use if you want to immediately get out of jury duty.

“It was me. I did it.”List slides“It was me. I did it.”Confessing to the crime eliminates the need for a trial entirely.Advertisement“I’m just not that into true crime.”List slides“I’m just not that into true crime.”Just because it’s really having a moment

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doesn’t mean that it’s for you!Advertisement“Unfortunately, I’ve accepted an offer from another jury.”List slides“Unfortunately, I’ve accepted an offer from another jury.”Tell the judge that while the decision wasn’t easy, you’ve decided to accept a position in another courtroom.

Advertisement“I have a bailiff allergy.”List slides“I have a bailiff allergy.”A judge will consider health restrictions you might have, so let them know that you could realistically die if you’re even in the same room as a court officer.AdvertisementList slides

“I’m busy.”The officials in charge of the jury selection process would never dream of interfering with someone who is busy.Advertisement“My heart wouldn’t be in it.”List slides“My heart wouldn’t be in it.”They’re looking for people who not only qualify for jury duty

but are genuinely enthusiastic.“I can’t operate on that jury. He’s my son!”List slides“I can’t operate on that jury. He’s my son!”That’s for getting out of surgeries, you idiot.Advertisement“I’ve seen this crime before, so I already know how it ends.”

List slides“I’ve seen this crime before, so I already know how it ends.”Most attorneys would be concerned you’ll ruin the ending for the other 11 members of the jury.Advertisement“I’m already nude from the waist down, so what makes you think I won’t take off my shirt on a jury?”

List slides“I’m already nude from the waist down, so what makes you think I won’t take off my shirt on a jury?”Most judges, however, won’t let you finish that sentence.Advertisement“It’ll be fun to give this brand-new Covid strain a test drive.”List slides

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“It’ll be fun to give this brand-new Covid strain a test drive.”The doctor said the one you got is pretty new to this country, so a jury room is a great way to test its supposedly startling contagiousness.Advertisement“It would be an honor to complete my civic duty.”

List slides“It would be an honor to complete my civic duty.”Saying this immediately proves you’re a stone-cold liarnot to be trusted in any jury.Advertisement“I’m a judge, and this is my courtroom.”List slides“I’m a judge, and this is my courtroom.”Well,

what are you doing hanging out in the jury box then?Advertisement“I’ve got a thousand bucks riding on the verdict.”List slides“I’ve got a thousand bucks riding on the verdict.”The court will legally have to pay up if you turn out to be right. Read more: The Onion »

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Just say this. 'I voted for the prosecutor. I don't think he ever could be wrong.' Or my favorite wave to the defendent and say 'Hay you! You couldn't get out of jury duty either?' Slysssa for you Wow... disturbing that you would post this. As some one who would do it if I could(disabled and cant sit there that long without debilitating pain) I find your 'advice' moronic. We need more involvement, not less.

ididathing1 Just say that you had a negative experience with police once. No prosecutor would ever dream of having someone like that on a jury. 'I've got $1000 riding on the verdict' genius So true! This should generate some interesting comments... I just said I don’t trust cops. I was the first guy to be dismissed.

I'm sorry but I can't. As you can see, I'm a horse. And a standard jury box is too small to accommodate a figure of my size. Also.....Neigh

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