Politics, High School, Time Travel, Vol 47 Issue 06

Politics, High School

Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'

Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'

3 hours ago

Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'

DECATUR, IL, THE YEAR 2083—According to students in Mr. Bernard's fourth-period U.S. history class, it's 'really pathetic' how long it took for early-21st-century Americans to finally legalize gay marriage.

Late-21st century high school students say they can't believe "backward" Americans still treated gay couples as second-class citizens in the 2010s."There were apparently these really important senators named John McCain and John Kerry who said that marriage should only be between a man and a woman," said a visually baffled Kevin Wu-Picarsic, adding that he couldn't imagine people like that actually being in charge of the country. "I guess in the end I feel really bad for gay people back then who loved each other and wanted to get married. What a sucky time to live."

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AdvertisementAfter breaking into study groups to examine chapter 21 of their textbooks—covering the period from the financial collapse of 2019 to the end of the war in Afghanistan—Mr. Bernard's students spent much of the class period discussing, in disbelief, how even supposedly liberal U.S. presidents of the era were "too afraid, apparently" to publicly endorse gay marriage.

"If they thought it was the right thing to do, why didn't President Clinton or Obama or whoever just say, 'Hey, discriminating against gay people is wrong, so let's let them get married'?" said Pete Merriam, 15, who was born in an age with no death penalty and with nationwide approval of a woman's right to choose. "I get that they wanted to be reelected or whatever, but come on. That is so stupid." headtopics.com

Advertisement"And look, our textbooks say civil rights legislation was passed in the 1960s, but then it somehow took another three generations to legalize gay marriage?" added classmate Jennifer Goldberg, laughing. "How does that even make sense? Oh my God, and those civil union things were ridiculous, too. Just let gay people get married already!"

Upon learning that gay marriage actually had to go to the Supreme Court, where it barely passed in a controversial 5-to-4 decision, students from the class of 2086 speculated that "maybe people were just dumber [in the early 2000s]," at which point student Eminem Robertson began to loudly impersonate a bumbling Supreme Court justice from the turn of the century, eliciting loud laughs of approval from classmates.

AdvertisementMr. Bernard, 58, told the class that he himself could remember how in the 2030s gay marriage was still a somewhat touchy subject in certain parts of the country."It's true," said Mr. Bernard, gesturing to a holographic projection of late-20th/early-21st-century antigay preacher Fred Phelps on the classroom's V-screen. "Most people had come around by the time I was your age, of course, but you would still read and hear things about how certain people in New Washington were trying to overturn the court's ruling. Hard to imagine anyone being that adamant about gays not marrying, but those were different times."

Advertisement"In fact, I remember President Romney even gave this speech once calling gay marriage 'an issue that continues to divide many in our nation, including myself,'" Mr. Bernard continued. "Of course, that was before his openly gay son, Craig, served four terms as president a couple decades later." headtopics.com

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While the future students, roughly one in eight of whom were raised by gay or lesbian parents, are scheduled to write essays debating the different viewpoints on gay marriage in the 2010s, a number of them told reporters it was hard to conceive of arguments against something as clearly justified as gay marriage "as though it were some big controversial issue, like marrying your clone."

AdvertisementAfter concluding the week's examination of the history of gay marriage rights, classroom sources in the year 2083 said they would be moving on to the topic of how their grandparents' generation was too late to do anything about global warming.

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Will they still trust the Christian god? Leviticus 20:13 “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” I thought you guys were parody? Just wait until they learn about homelessness

I mean, it is. How optimistic. I teach US history in Illinois today. This is ALREADY what my students say. Omg stfu I’d also add justice for Palestinians to that list. Too long. Still waiting Who is you guys? I was a child when it was passed? January 6th… *world history

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