TOKYO—With the pair continuing to exhibit flawlessly coordinated physical behaviors, reports confirmed frightened Olympic divers Wang Zongyuan and Xie Siyi remained unable to desynchronize their movements Friday
, a full two days after winning gold in the 3-meter springboard event. “Oh God, what is happening? Why won’t it stop?” the visibly te rrified athletes said in perfect unison, each elegantly duplicating the other’s panicked hair-tugging and nail-biting as they described their struggles to sleep, eat, urinate, and defecate on their own.
How did you not work their microscopic speedos into this joke? By far the most hilarious aspect of Olympic diving.
He had the twisties
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