Friend In Long-Term Relationship Announces She Wouldn’t Even Be Able To Figure Out Extremely Simple Premise Of Dating App If She Tried

📆 5/6/2021 1:42 PM
📰 TheOnion

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OKEMOS, MI—Claiming she would be absolutely clueless if she were single and had to navigate such a complicated system, local woman Ashley Rice, a friend in a long-term relationship, announced Thursday she would not be able to figure out the extremely simple premise of a dating app if she tried. “So wait, you look at people’s pictures, read a little bit about them, and then, somehow, you meet?” said Rice, who wore a bewildered expression as she stared at photographs of strange men on her friend’s phone, indicating that she counted herself lucky to have been in a committed and stable relationship with her husband before such apps became commonplace. “You’re so brave. Seriously, I’d have no idea what I was doing if I had to go on one of these services. I don’t even get how they’re supposed to work. Do you date all of those guys? And once you get a—what do you call it—a ‘match,’ then you get married?” At press time, Rice was reportedly becoming more interested in how the app worked after she discovered the profile photo of a man who looked a lot like her husband.\n

—Claiming she would be absolutely clueless if she were single and had to navigate such a complicated system, local woman Ashley Rice, a friend in a long-term relationship, announced Thursday she would not be able to figure out the extremely simple premise of a dating app if she tried.

“So wait, you look at people’s pictures, read a little bit about them, and then, somehow, you meet?” said Rice, who wore a bewildered expression as she stared at photographs of strange men on her friend’s phone, indicating that she counted herself lucky to have been in a committed and stable relationship with her husband before such apps became commonplace. “You’re so brave. Seriously, I’d have no idea what I was doing if I had to go on one of these services.

Write Comment

Julian32G Me today while my coworker was on bumble at 10 am

friend_robbie

her brain thinking of all the hypotheticals at the speed of light

'At press time, Rice was reportedly becoming more interested in how the app worked after she discovered the profile photo of a man who looked a lot like her husband.' Buried the lede on that one...

Haha what's a tinder?

Long-term relationships so taxing that they strip away your cognitive abilities

The producers on the new Sex and The City are running out of ideas

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