I had been slightly terrified of a human baby coming out of a very small opening, but never once considered the burning pain that could ensue when said baby was sucking your nipples dry 24 hours a day.I cried in his rocking chair, occasionally moaning in pain as that first hot flash of sucking sunk into my nipple like a vampire’s bite.. I couldn’t get his mouth around my boob I saw the lactation consultant every few days.
My “nice” pump – the Ameda electric double pump – was either malfunctioning or just not doing the job so we rented the hospital grade pump, which cost and arm and a leg, but appeared to suffice. My lactation consultant encouraged me to keep trying. She recommended supplementing with formula, making every bottle of breast milk feel like a sacred elixir living inside my refrigerator. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t giving my baby what was best when I supplemented with formula.
I expressed my difficulties to the nurse on duty that night, as she told me she too had a “love-hate relationship with breastfeeding.”“You know, if you decide you don’t want to do this breastfeeding thing, you just let us know. It’s your baby. You just feed your baby,” she said with kindness in her voice.
I found a “Formula Feeding Mommies” group on Facebook and joined immediately. Seeing photos of little ones and joining with thousands of other moms who made the choice to formula feed like me made me feel so much less alone.
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