For some men, a handjob is more complicated than it seems.

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Periodically, someone calls me wanting to stop illicit sexual behavior—before they get caught. If the sex isn't about "intimacy," why are some men so attached to it?

this week with similar issues. One was regularly going to massage parlors for “happy endings,” and the other was paying young men he met on Grindr for quickies.

That’s one reason they do it. As Charlie Sheen once said, “I don’t pay women to have sex. I pay them to leave afterwards.” Pedro and Chang were paying so they could leave afterwards—no talking, no cuddling, no connection. No obligations, or anyone else’s expectations. Some men pay for handjobs because it’s the only way they can get one that satisfies them. Most men know how to touch themselves, but giving adequate directions to someone else can be complicated, the more so if your partner doesn’t have a penis. Professionals are generally pretty good at it.A huge number of people struggle with a sense of performance during partner sex, even with something as simple as a handjob.

He liked the glamor of men in their 20s, so as a 45-year-old, small cash payments were the way to get what he wanted. He also thought it was “glamorous” to have multiple rendezvous in a week. When I asked what it might feel like to take a few weeks off, he stopped smiling. I asked, “If you can’t imagine going a month without this, doesn’t that sound more compulsive than glamorous?” He had to admit that it did.

 

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