FiveThirtyEight Employees Scrambling To Jolt Nate Silver Awake After He Traveled Too Far Into Undecided Voter’s Mind

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NEW YORK—Panicked FiveThirtyEight employees reportedly scrambled to jolt Nate Silver awake Thursday after the statistician traveled too far into an undecided voter’s mind while collecting data for the 2020 presidential election. “Nate, Nate—if you can hear me, you need to find a way out of this man’s temporal lobe now, because if you go any further into his voting history, you might not make it out alive,” said Senior Computational Journalist Masha Sidorov, who screamed after the incapacitated statistician—attached via electrodes to a 65-year-old independent from West Virginia—began to seize up, shake uncontrollably, and bleed from his nose and ears. “Oh my God, he promised he was just going to do a quick scan for implicit attitudes, but he’s been in there for hours, coming in and out of consciousness to yell either ‘Biden’ or ‘Trump.’ Nate, the further you go, the harder it will be for you to remember how to get out—in less than five minutes, you could become an undecided voter yourself.” At press time, several FiveThirtyEight employees strapped down Geoffrey Skelley, who had offered to go into the undecided voter’s mind and rescue Silver, after the statistician began to repeatedly scream “Jill Stein” and then flatlined.

awake Thursday after the statistician traveled too far into an undecided voter’s mind while collecting data for the 2020 presidential election.

“Oh my God, he promised he was just going to do a quick scan for implicit attitudes, but he’s been in there for hours, coming in and out of consciousness to yell either ‘Biden’ or ‘Trump.’ Nate, the further you go, the harder it will be for you to remember how to get out—in less than five minutes, you could become an undecided voter yourself.

 

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man onion photo game is as good as the headline game… thats what makes the whole thing work

This was strangely hilarious after watching The100.

offbrand_cuck The machine is dividing by 0

ElectionMapsCo

This is amazing. Nate Silver is such a joke.

Good job NateSilver538

Should have left a crumb trail.

poor Nate. hilarious

Just leave him be. He's doing more good this way.

Is this because undecided voters minds’ are just empty voids?

he officially went mad during covid..sad to see his fall

NateSilver538 you made it!

should have added some mouth drooling to it hehe

There's no such thing as a funny NateSilver538 joke.

Maybe they can replace his heart with a baked potato?

NateSilver538 looks terrible 😂🤣

NateSilver538 thoughts and prayers bo please get well soon

Alot going on here huh

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