Fetus Steps Outside Womb For Quick Cigarette Break

KEARNEY, NE—Explaining he felt “all cooped up in that place” and needed to clear his head, a local fetus reportedly stepped outside the womb Friday for a quick cigarette break. “It’s nice to take a break from the nonstop gestation and just relax a little, but you’re not allowed to smoke in there,” said the unborn human offspring, currently the size of a bell pepper, who bummed a light from the ultrasound technician and proceeded to take long drags from a Marlboro.

“I know this is bad for my development, but how else am I supposed to get through another 20 weeks in a cramped uterus? It’s been a tough trimester, and I needed to stretch these itty-bitty fingers and teeny-weeny toes. Mom’s always telling me I gotta stop. I figure I’ll quit when I’m born.” At press time, sources reported the fetus was tugging on the umbilical cord to give himself some more slack after being informed the law required him to stay at least 15 feet away from the womb.

It should try some hookah next time, esp watermelon mint

Not even funny.

Mother jailed or executed

Republicans gave the fetus the cigarette - then went on Fox News to blame the Dems for smoking fetus .

Very wise to get into mischief prior to developing finger prints

lol

I know you don’t take submissions like this, but you can have this headline for free: Texas Woman Forced to Carry Xenomorph Full Term

Fetuses can start smoking at 9 weeks! -billboard seen in Missouri

Hopefully no one will spot it, otherwise it lose it’s protected fetus status by being outside.

And arrested by border patrol after failing to prove citizenship.

Now that’s a womb with a view.

Isn’t second hand smoke harmful for the mother?

marinaoreal

ExplainThisBob

Mom smoked at least two packs a day so I wouldn't have to do it myself. So thoughtful!

Suspiciously considerate of both the health and personal space of others. Clearly, that thing has no place in modern polite society.

And it was at that point the Republicans stopped being pro life and delivered the castle doctrine, second amendment, country justice that border crossing, future formula hogging external fetus so richly deserved.

Cute! He's just like people...

Are you sure that's not a dolphin

It’s me

Does this happen often alimkey ?

Tough part is getting the hookah back in

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I recognize that dude from The Island of Doctor Moreau

Do Republicans consider smoking fetus 'born'? Because if so, they don't give a f', he should probably quit being so lazy and get a job.

😆 Thanks for the chuckle.

Is this real wtf

AbortSmokers

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