Vol 56 Issue 30, Donald Trump, Mlb Baseball

Vol 56 Issue 30, Donald Trump

Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch

Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch

8/1/2020 2:18:00 AM

Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch

NEW YORK—Moving in formation across the first-base line as terrified players scrambled into the dugout, federal troops reportedly tear-gassed the New York Yankees off the field Friday so President Donald Trump could throw out the first pitch before their opening home game. Sources confirmed that minutes before their contest against the Boston Red Sox was scheduled to begin, dozens of federal troops rushed onto the field and set upon the Yankees starters, pushing them into foul territory with riot shields and beating several of them—including Brett Gardner, Gio Urshela, and Gleyber Torres—with batons. Yankees players and coaches were heard to shout that they had no idea what was happening until they noticed a golf cart emerge from the bullpen with the president, who proceeded to stand on the mound and thank everyone for coming. As the tear gas near the dugout dissipated, federal agents in full riot gear could be seen placing zip cuffs on the Yankees’ relievers and attempting to confiscate cameras from the TV crew filming the game. At press time, team sources had confirmed they had been unaware of the president’s planned attendance, while Trump posed for pictures holding a baseball before dropping it on the mound and walking away.

Read more: The Onion »

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JoanieReb The fact that some don’t realize it’s satire is exactly what’s wrong with our current President. Is this a joke ? Or this actually happen MMFlint Trump takes on big pharma and special interest. Maybe that explains a lot. Whoever believes this is a stupid as Trump..😏 canadaLinty LMAO! Blythe_Gryphon 😂😂😂... 🤔... 😱

where is the videos of this wholw thing? SteveKerr Steve Kerr throws Morey, Hong Kong citizens and Muslims under bus to be tortured!.... Why?... we don’t know yet, he is going to talk to his brother n law and get back to us! MMFlint Bs. He didn’t even go he didn’t pitch because his last pitch was such an embarrassment. Trump can’t throw a ball. Lol. Find something moor outlandish Lol

I’d kind of like to hear more about this. Reporting on this seems to be very incomplete so far skittlesthepro This is gold😂 SteveKerr FreeHongKong SteveKerr Hey Profiles in Courage. Here is an even funnier headline. “NBA stands up to China and denounces the actions of the CCP on the people of Hong Kong”

SteveKerr SteveKerr un RT it’s the Onion SteveKerr What? This is sportsmanship? The repercussions from all quarters will be strong and rip 45. He has done more harm to his image and his campaign than his advisors and he imagined. SteveKerr I hate how often I have to check to make sure it is in fact the Onion

SteveKerr GmaG1960 You DO know this is no longer far-fetched. 😏 Surfcityslicker 😭 deltabr80997035 😂🤣😂 Um denismcnamara RT CNN chrislhayes AC360 AnaCabrera cnn raving and now to amjoyshow sponsor vacation Portland Oregon ChrisCuomo O.K somebody clarify is this TRUE Is the club suing? How desperate is this president to destroy anything for a pitcher

jomareewade 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 MMFlint Mr Moore.. I know you predicted trump’s win 2016 can you predict 2020 malinablue 😂😂😂 This wins the Internet today 😂 malinablue mchooyah dougcoulson Lol MMFlint He holds a ball about as well as he holds a bible defund the Gop, it’s a shïthole party Hilarious! Since this didn't happen!!!

As someone who was raised to hate the Wankee-Yankees, I'm ok with this. Hahaha! 🤣🤣🤣 greg_doucette Love the Onion. Dividist Salty! 😁👍 RickResisted Fake news. Only the trumpturds will believe this. I wouldn't be surprised at all. 😂😂😂👏🏽 😂 greg_doucette tell me this isn’t real 😅😅😅😂 ChrisCuomo Lol MMFlint Did he hold the ball upside down?

❤️ ChrisCuomo exposed you, just like good lil Marxists do!! Seems your 10 viewers must be as brain dead as you to believe any of it. ..4/4 ChrisCuomo handling COVID 19 SO WELL..lol!! This imbecile DIRECTED Nursing Homes to take ppl infected w/Covid 19 even when they had NO manner in which to handle them nor treat them. So, hes responsible for thousands of deaths in NYC due to his malpractice as Governor. A rotten apple ..2

ChrisCuomo doesn't fall far from the rotten tree here.. Like him you're malpractice is putting your family in danger with your COVID 19 debacle & giving all of them YOUR DISEASE because you chose to 'BREAK THE RULES' OF QUARANTINE. And when 'found out' you bashed the the person who ..3/4 Matt_Billips 😂😂😂

KatalinichKaren Please tell me that’s not true Thankfully this isn't happening as it would have been a lot of work moving the pitcher's mound to little league distance so he'd have a chance to reach home. Bahahaha.. this is hilarious ChrisCuomo OMG! He’s such a brat kid. He wanted what Dr. Fauci had out of the admiration and credibility he has before the country.

jeffjarvis It’s sad really that whatever throws at us doesn’t even seem farcical anymore....when did life stop being funny? 🤣😂😂😂🤣 The scary part is: people don’t know the difference betwixt satire and actual news. A la Babylon Bee. UGroundbreakers MMFlint Federal agents are Trumps little Bitches.

New headline- Trump tear gassed terrorist so normal people can live their lives. SmackeyCracks BRUTAL HONESTY😆 I miss the days when one could immeduately know that this is an Onion article. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be surprising if that actually happened. debmell I expected more of you. The hate never ends, 🤦🏻‍♀️😢

Must have been fan appreciation night.... MMFlint 'Trump is seen winding up to throw the pitch and his arm disappears in a cloud of smoke. The catcher emerges from the smoke with the ball. Trump declares in subsequent interviews about his 'perfect strike', the greatest throw of any president EVER! Lol

MMFlint Hey did you see that picture that you're in with all the other pedophiles WE WANT A PITCHER! NOT A BELLY ITCHER! 😃 eyemagistus 😂 eyemagistus What’s so scary is that some will think this is real given this administration’s behavior ChrisCuomo Fake news! 😂😂 billengle34 Gotta love The Onion! Arrest those Yankees!

Need to get the Yankees off the field? Just send Jose Altuve out there. looks Photoshopped Trump wants to throw a pitch, let's go all Gadafi on the field. MMFlint Owners of $1500 Corporate boxes behind home plate, sparsely used during the regular season, are demanding the wait and service staff serving drinks & gourmet food in the ball park, provide the same services, where they fled to to their homes in the Hamptons.

christoq 😂 😂 😂 😂 👍 😂😂😂 MMFlint Third basman Venezuelan Gio Urshella cuffed, gased, hooded and abducted in unmarked van, charged with suspicion of antifascist, and communistic tendencies” .... NYT fails to report incident, explining, “Sports fans are not interested in politics” the_derhey9 Freemanhippy HA!!

MMFlint 🤣 🤣 🤣 fake news alert. Here is the original eye witness acount: “Yankees shot with rubber bullets and teargassed by heavily weaponed Homeland Security agents, charged planning to deface the Steinbrunner monument before home opener. Venezuelan Urshella abducted in unmarked van.” calmarten MMFlint Federal troops wearing uniforms w/no numbers, names, nor team insignia.

MMFlint 🤣👍🏻💨 MMFlint Honestly, I thought this was real before I looked to see that it was The Onion. how sad is it that for a split second I just assumed that this was true because of what a retched depraved human being the Covidiot is. MMFlint stephaniek861 🤣 csd Hahahahaha MMFlint MMFlint 🤣🤣🤣

MMFlint Hey don’t give him any ideas guys. 😂 Not really out of the ballpark this could happen 🤣🤣🤣🤣 You guys..... You joke, but we're talking about a guy who delayed pandemic release funds because he wanted his name on the accompanying letter. He would totally gas a baseball field if it meant he could throw the first pitch.

Ok, is it really happened? ChrisCuomo Chris don't eat the onion man.... JoshMankiewicz NYC COPS TEAR GAS THE YANKEES (And it's ABOUT time) ... It must be frustrating to work at The Onion and have 75% of your planned Trump headlines actually happen before you can use them. And for the ones you do use to be widely believed no matter how outrageous, because nothing is impossible anymore.

For 3 seconds I was like wtf lolz then realized it’s too crazy and I need to check the source... The Onion... So close, you almost had me! Lies and falsehoods. Fake news strikes again. 🤣🤣 LOL We want fake stories not predictions Popehat The tear gas and terrorism of the team is bad enough, but the arrogance of dropping the ball on the mound and walking off ...WTF? The BLM mob has long deemed baseball.yoo white. Stadium data doesn't disappoint that analysis, but did POTUS just play to such a mob?

JudgeOmar yankees jacoker2 I know BrentTerhune was in the front row lmao The irony is this could totally happen.TrumpThreatensAmerica Popehat I feel bad for you guys. Every headline I read lately sounds like something you made up. But it’s real. Maybe start spoofing the flyers we all seem to be getting more of? iDK?

Kahuna_2010 I liked your alfresco dining along the Hollywood Freeway better. 😆 Popehat You had me for about 5-seconds onion. NegativeBot BradleyWhitford 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This can't be true! Why? Was Trump afraid they'd see how bad a pitch he had? lol Moonalice You got me to laugh out loud. Great job! That’s not easy when The Onion has to compete with The NY Times for outlandish news.

Popehat This is totally plausible... Going to have to step it up to compete with realDonaldTrump The Yankees think they’re above the law IDontThankSo Doc_Shades talk2yourboy This might be your best work yet it's just so... *almost* believable at this point 😂😂😂 ChrisCuomo 😂😂😂 WirthTM DavidHursey johnpeter33

This is not satire though. First good laugh of the day 👏👏❤️❤️ BradleyWhitford Lmao Make this happen No need. A bunch of those turds are his supporters. ChrisCuomo Think ProjectLincoln would like that for ImpotusAmericanus . 'From the smoke it emerged to drop it's egg'. BradleyWhitford That’s funny bibliophile68 They're doing that thing again where I can't tell if they're serious or not... 🙃

JJohnsonLaw This was the laugh I needed today ChrisCuomo 😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂 😳 it could happen! You guys are on a roll! strobist Even the Yankees don’t deserve that. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍 ChrisCuomo So FUNNY!!! Normally fun. Not so much anymore. After a double hopper to the plate, Trump proclaimed himself the king of pitching and that no one else can throw a pitch like him. White House official immediately corrected the President's statement saying no one could pitch a fit like him.

ChrisCuomo FAKE ChrisCuomo Is this true? Eh it was too good not to use. Lol i wonder if his tiny hands can even grip a baseball “Trump posed for pictures holding a baseball before dropping it on the mound and walking away.” ChrisCuomo Joke, right? Oh that’s Gold 😂 ChrisCuomo Get them stupid protesters out of the way for our president. 🇺🇸

3L3V3NTH The actual article is hilarious KidCoheed ahahahahahahahahahaha It's not a war crime because it isn't a game between interleague play. If the Yankees were being peaceful then why did they bring bats to the field? Our federal troops are just keeping law and order. “The President fired a 98 mph cutter that many are calling the greatest pitch ever thrown” - Press Secretary

wilmingtonfilm Hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha lmfao That would be awesome! simon_schama Fake News: He never ordered federal Troops to do it. Trump did it himself. We need to do this in Florida. You joke, but this would be the only thing that would get a huge section of America to actually care. 😂😂😂

Friday night level tweet. 😷 ChrisCuomo Is thick for real? CardinalHistory LOL You guys are having to work harder since Trump got elected. His whole administration has been an Onion article. Thank you! Belly laughing here. That's great! Also the Feds will use the tear gas as cover to hide Trump’s girly pitch ⚾️👧🏼

This is freakin’ gold. 14k 😂😂 Did you see this, spike64 or neilien3000? 😂⚾️🦇⚾️😂 NT_Mistry ChrisCuomo That’s a joke right? 1101110112 Oh this is good markos Ok! Now that’s a good call! Finally an appropr use of tear gas salcomicbookpro Please tear gas the Astros cheaters gwonyatyevka I know that gas!

Even as a Red Sox fan, I cannot support this. This is hilarious 😂 I used to like the Onion until you guys started getting political....Now I love it!!!! ChrisCuomo realDonaldTrump bahahahaha laughingstock Bar authorized sitting up in the sky deck ChrisCuomo Lol 😂😂😂 brettnick47 LOL Peak tweet chefs kiss

ChrisCuomo Lol Love the non-partisan, partisan humor of The Onion...nobody escapes its wit. ChrisCuomo 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ChrisCuomo In this day and age. That would be a real thing. ChrisCuomo 😂 ClancyReports Unconscious That's not how you hold a baseball HA HA HA HA HA HA Damn Yankees That’s good 😂😂😂 Like in standing rock under BarackObama ?

🥇 roywoodjr Sounds about right thereallj915 deannapai are you okay? He’s not going. 😀 This is wonderful I want to gently enclose this post in a hermetically sealed box and place it on a display shelf so it can be viewed forever. ❤️ I'm surprised this hasn't actually happened yet. I didn't look at where this came from sadly at first. it seemed something he would do.

shaan_rickard Hahahaha Nash076 Joke, or prophecy? thank God he held up a Bible first 🤣🤣🍻 Friends, ever seen one who commands rain to fall down and it falls down? Watch here Inching closer and closer to reality

Oregon governor says federal agents to leave Portland, but Trump says not so fastOregon’s governor says federal agents who have clashed with protesters in Portland will begin a “phased withdrawal” from the city. Trump’s Brown Shirts! ONLY DROOLING IMBECILES WOULD CALL FEDERAL AGENTS BROWN SHIRTS! SHOWS WHAT A LOW-INFO, LOW-IQ PERSON THEY ARE! FOR THE TERMINALLY STUPID THE FEDERAL AGENTS HAVE 100% LEGAL RIGHT TO PROTECT FEDERAL PROPERTY! DUH! 'Portland mayor tear-gassed by federal agents, riot declared'

Trump use of federal forces in U.S. cities a 'failed experiment': Oregon governorOregon Gov. Kate Brown: 'The presence of federal officers in our streets ignited the violence, it caused chaos and confusion, and became extremely disruptive and frankly made a challenging situation even worse.' Ok hotshot. Let’s see what happens now Nobody but Twitter commenters believe this.. 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

He prays for Chicago as violence takes children's lives and Trump threatens with federal forcesThe 53-year-old self-described street pastor has found a calling in consoling the families of victims of gun violence. He searches for grace, but it seems like every day word of another shooting finds him. Story by kurtisalee You can thank me too This article has so much focus on Trump but very little on what the mayor has done & not done. If you promise to fix the problem & you can’t & haven’t for a long time, something needs to be done. So now they’re going to try to do something because the feds might come in? Yes, let's all focus on Trump and not the raging zombie horde tearing down the city while the mayor is looking at it like a confused frog who is high on meth.

Biting New Anti-Trump Video Imagines A Republican Waking Up From A ComaThe Lincoln Project ad was directed by Jon Turteltaub, who also directed 'National Treasure' and 'While You Were Sleeping.' The Lincoln Project are neolib bootlickers. the problem is Melania really isnt all that pretty!! neither is Ivanka.. cos that beauty is only knife deep! (genetically she is a complete minger!) No I don't think so!!!

Mary Trump on whether Trump is a sociopath: ‘He certainly acts like one’Mary Trump, the author of ‘Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man,’ tells Joy Reid that President Donald Trump ‘certainly acts like’ a sociopath. And she mentions there are two factors in whether President Donald Trump will accept the 2020 election results. Put on your tin foil hat, aliens are about to visit us. She lies

Trump Scrapped Jared Kushner's COVID Plan Because It Wouldn't Help TrumpSince the blue states were being hit the hardest, it wasn't politically expedient for Trump to coordinate a federal response. If they really thought letting blue states get sick to help trumps reelection, then both trump and kushner should be charged with mass murder.