Oliver Jordan, Begging, Goofball, Human Interest, Social Issues

Oliver Jordan, Begging

Entirety Of Objectionable Human Behavior Explained To Toddler As Person Acting Silly

Entirety Of Objectionable Human Behavior Explained To Toddler As Person Acting Silly

4/12/2021 9:30:00 PM

Entirety Of Objectionable Human Behavior Explained To Toddler As Person Acting Silly

BATON ROUGE, LA—Noting the phrase’s ubiquity as an answer to almost every uncomfortable societal question, sources confirmed Monday that the full range of objectionable human behavior was explained to local toddler Oliver Jordan as a person acting silly. “Everything from mental illness to public drunkenness to a screaming match is waved away as someone just being a silly goose,” said observers, confirming that the same label was conferred on strangers, peers, and family members engaging in any remotely questionable activities. “Whether it’s someone sleeping in the park or begging for change, grandma saying something racist, or a murder on television, it can all be comfortably placed in the rubric of playing around and being a big goofball.” At press time, Jordan’s mother was explaining that his dad had been so silly for so long that they’d be moving to a different house. \n

BATON ROUGE, LA—Noting the phrase’s ubiquity as an answer to almost every uncomfortable societal question, sources confirmed Monday that the full range of objectionable human behavior was explained to local toddler Oliver Jordan as a person acting silly. “Everything from mental illness to public drunkenness to a screaming match is waved away as someone just being a silly goose,” said observers, confirming that the same label was conferred on strangers, peers, and family members engaging in any remotely questionable activities. “Whether it’s someone sleeping in the park or begging for change, grandma saying something racist, or a murder on television, it can all be comfortably placed in the rubric of playing around and being a big goofball.” At press time, Jordan’s mother was explaining that his dad had been so silly for so long that they’d be moving to a different house.

‘Care To Explain?’ Ask Conservative Parents After Finding Vaccine Card In Son’s Underwear Drawer Student is 1st Black male valedictorian in school's 106-year history Twitter suspends account that was posting Trump statements Read more: The Onion »

Statements on Passing of Michael Collins

The following is a statement from acting NASA Administrator Steve Jurczyk on the passing of Michael Collins:

Says area man holding hand of child he plans to smother in onions and consume later. good one