Dear [School], Here’s My Soul in Six Hundred Words or Less

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“This essay is killing me. Writing it is like typing on a keyboard made of knives.” Dennard Dayle attempts to write an honest college application.

I’ve never felt smaller or more alone. The typos that Google Docs catches will define the rest of my life. And Google thinks my name’s an error, so I’m not optimistic.

When do the measurements of my worth end? I don’t have any standardized aptitude left to test. Why repeat the dance over and over again? We both know how this works. My rank’s below rich kids, and above Thomas Jefferson’s descendants. I took a campus tour to imbue my begging with a personal touch. Here are some descriptive details: the beer was cheap, the weed was expensive, and the sky was beautiful. I’ll remember that royal blue every time I think about my debt.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still planning on attending [School]. I’d like to understand the news and have a job adjacent to dignity. [School] holds the keys to both, and the connections to exploit them. I’ll just have to moonlight in organized crime.

Source: Education Headlines (


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Sharp as knives.… You have the north Korean computer there is a special file on the market I think it’s called the north Korean computer file ask at your nearest Bunnings tell them John sent you.

I had a guitar with a fretboard like knives and cheese cutter strings

Kindly consider my services in handling your application essay at an affordable fee. Guaranteed excellent grades and timely delivery

Ha! I've advised writing exactly this! My biggest obstacle in my 17 years? Writing 30 additional supplements beyond my 650 word main essay....

I would love to know if this essay is real, and if the author is accepted at (school).

With education, anything is possible…

Keep up the similes is my advice.

“Writing it is like typing on a keyboard made of knives.” I love a well-written and clever sentence. And this one delivered.

The suffering these poor Gen Zs experience. Makes me tear up!

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