Dear Care and Feeding: Can I Tell My Son His Beloved Dead Grandmother Was Actually Awful?

My 5-year-old and the other kids on our street, Bobby and Megan, both 6, are a “quaranteam.” Last weekend, the kids were playing in the sprinkler in our backyard. My husband and I were in and out. After the kids went home, Bobby’s mom texted me and Megan’s mom saying that Bobby claimed the girls touched him on his private parts. She said he wasn’t upset; this revelation came in response to her asking where his underwear was.

I also don’t think it really matters! I don’t believe for a second that any of these kids acted out of sexualized motives or victimized any of the others. They are little kids who think butts are funny. But clearly my neighbors don’t share my feelings about this, and one of them has decided that my daughter is the culprit.

I think texting is an impossible medium for serious conversation, but perhaps you could send one more, to invite the other grown-ups over one evening after bedtime to talk this through. See if you can put aside your own charged feelings and help defuse the situation for all involved. You can talk about how kids do this sort of thing, and your feeling that it was all innocent, but be open to the necessity of being more vigilant going forward so all the parents feel comfortable.

I left the room for a second and when I came back, there was grape juice and crushed peanut butter crackers all over my brand-new $6,000 couch. My friend said it was an accident and that it was my fault for making her kids sit on uncomfortable chairs. She said,. I’m a little tired of that excuse. She’s crossed boundaries with the kids before and we can’t go out for lunch because her kids won’t eat anything but chicken nuggets.

If my grandmother were secretly making my mother's life miserable I'd like to know it regardless of my relationship with the woman. The idea that you need to preserve an awful person's memory is what's toxic. Really missed the mark on this one.

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