Dear Annie: My mother-in-law can’t live by herself and refuses to consider assisted living options

Annie Lane writes the Dear Annie advice column.I need some advice. My mother-in-law, who is 93, lives alone in her home. My wife and I and my sister-in-law and her husband have been her caregivers going on 20 years now. Her husband passed away years ago.

I am nearing 70. My wife is 69. My in-laws are in their 70s and in poor health. We have told her we can’t continue doing this. She refuses any home care or any house cleaning and gets mad when we do it. We take turns making sure she takes her pills three times a day. I have told her to at least look at a place, but she refuses. We feel like hostages. We can’t force her to go to assisted living, but she is not safe at home alone.

This kind of change is hard for any older person to undergo, but ultimately, it’s one she must accept for her own safety and well-being and for that of your family.Our son has been married to a lovely girl for over 20 years. She is a daughter-in-law everyone should have. She cares for us; she keeps a gracious home; she is a good mother.

Last time, at a graduation, she shared money troubles she felt they were having. Before that, her daughter’s troubles with depression -- which I knew because our daughter-in-law had spoken with me, but I did not want to talk about it behind her back. Her mother has tried to talk about difficulties with the grandchildren and what she thinks ought to be done.

There’s no place in the home for a mother-in-law?

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