Dear Abby: When offering sympathy, try not to wear out the grieving

I believe they shared with me to emphasize that they understood what I was going through. What they didn’t understand was that I didn’t have the energy to listen to their stories after what I had just been through.

After Mom died, seven people came to me and did this. I was so drained afterward that I had to go home. The next day, one of my dear friends came into my office, handed me a thermos of homemade soup, told me she loved me and was here for me, hugged me and left. It was the most uplifting moment I had experienced since my mother’s passing.

Please tell your readers that while they have been through trials, and these trials enable them to empathize with grieving survivors, so soon after that death is not the time to share these stories.Many people don’t know what to say when someone dies. While the individuals who offered their “extended” condolences meant well, I’m sure they would have been shocked had they been told it left you unable to function. Not everyone grieves in the same way.

Readers, it is important to take your cues from the person who is grieving. I am sharing this letter with you because the writer has a point. Sometimes the most effective message is a short one.My sister doesn’t want children. I fully support her decision, and I’m happy she knows herself well enough to make it. She does, however, have what she refers to as her “fur babies.” She has a wonderful, generous heart and is very charitable. My children have been blessed by their aunt’s generosity.

My issue is: Lately, she has made a few comments about how I don’t bring holiday gifts for her dogs. It’s remarks like, “Well, my fur babies don’t get gifts from their aunt.” Am I missing something here? Should I feel guilty for not adding her pets to my gift list because she considers them equal in value to human children? I can’t think of her dogs like I do my nieces and nephews. Am I wrong?You may not consider your sister’s dogs as equal to human children, but she does.

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