Vol 56 Issue 27, Police

Vol 56 Issue 27, Police

Corrupt Policeman Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe

Corrupt Policeman Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe

7/8/2020 9:26:00 PM

Corrupt Police man Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe

BOSTON—Saying he “doesn’t know what this fucking guy’s problem is,” corrupt police officer Glen Morris confirmed Wednesday that he was deeply concerned to be working with a partner who has never once taken a bribe. “Maybe he’s got an issue with how I run my beat, but this is how it works around here and I’m not about to get ratted out by some punk-ass do-gooder,” Morris said as Tootsie Roll, his new partner, cantered around the 7-Eleven parking lot while swishing his tail to keep the flies off. “I offered him a cut of my take from the nail salon and he just looked at me, just flat-out refused to even touch the money. Does he think he’s better than me? Is he maybe even a narc? It’s like the guy has blinders on for all I can read that long face of his. Alls I’m saying is Mr. Tootsie Roll better get with the program or this ain’t gonna work out between us two.” Morris later had some success with wrapping a wad of 20s around a carrot in an attempt to get his new partner to play along.\n

BOSTON—Saying he “doesn’t know what this fucking guy’s problem is,” corrupt police officer Glen Morris confirmed Wednesday that he was deeply concerned to be working with a partner who has never once taken a bribe. “Maybe he’s got an issue with how I run my beat, but this is how it works around here and I’m not about to get ratted out by some punk-ass do-gooder,” Morris said as Tootsie Roll, his new partner, cantered around the 7-Eleven parking lot while swishing his tail to keep the flies off. “I offered him a cut of my take from the nail salon and he just looked at me, just flat-out refused to even touch the money. Does he think he’s better than me? Is he maybe even a narc? It’s like the guy has blinders on for all I can read that long face of his. Alls I’m saying is Mr. Tootsie Roll better get with the program or this ain’t gonna work out between us two.” Morris later had some success with wrapping a wad of 20s around a carrot in an attempt to get his new partner to play along.

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HOLY SHIT grinerrrr barronpm0 THIS is like episode 7 season 3 Rick and morty the ricklantis mixup where the cop morty wants the partner Rick ti take the bribe from big morty but then big morty go 'you're fucking it up for both of you' 😂 You just figured out how to join the party,do you?😂 He has taken a bribe. I gave him an apple just the other day.

Tell him to watch Training Day This bitch don't like treats How did I get saddled with him? This was once a satirical publication What happened to the onion? You hired a bunch of poc nerds who aren’t funny. Here’s a headline: onion battles racism with bland meh! Training Day? Oh Wilbur! yes Honest Horse Maybe the corrupt policeman should quit his job and run for office (as either a Dem or Rep). He'd fit right in.

Also known as the Serpico They are not a team player, that's for sure. right on him. you really need to know when taking a bribe is the only appropriate response. if you catch someone with a bunch of drugs, you dont arrest them, you just 'confiscate' them and have a party. instead we get people with minority complex exercising their power fantasies

Horse Takes Pride In Being Cop, Hung Give it 15 minutes Funny virtue signal. Lol hahahaha... We get it. Did all your good snarky writers go elsewhere? Cause this officially sucks. Not to worry. It only takes one bad apple to spoil the bushel. All you need to do is give it a bit of time. I thought of this movie first not training day I M Old .

Good try - but this one is not funny. Ew. Onion, I’m sorry but TheBabylonBee is the only funny satire site. Pack it in. I'd be more nervous about having a partner that takes a bribe and dumb enough to brag about it. Well...there were those carrots... Ignored the clue in the photo and was gonna reply with 'Describing Serpico doesn't count as a joke' before reading the article. Well done.

You laugh, but that's why Serpico gt shot in the face For some reason this reminded me of Training Day (2001) with Denzel's character Isn’t that the plot of American Gangster ? Wow. Lame and low. Maybe time to hang it up(?) coulda just said 'policeman' I can't really believe, that this horse-officer has never been bribed with an apple or a carrot. Look at this cunning look on it's face 🤔

Onion, enough of this 'ripped from the headlines' act! How about some satire for a change? He prob makes up for it in inappropriate comments. There always is a flipside. There's a movie that can help him with that. Users in comment-section thought 'The Onion' to be satire Partners? That poor horse. Have you registered as a real news organization yet?

wasn't that the plot to Training Day? And yet. Never a problem in RSA 👮🇿🇦 The Onion - “We used to be satirical” That's not satire, that's reality. just give them a sugar cube they'll be fine. 🤣 see also: SerpicoDet Serpico (1973) Is that Tom Hanks? 'Tootsie Roll, his new partner, cantered around the 7-Eleven parking lot while swishing his tail to keep the flies off.'

Thought this was real for a sec

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