Closer to Perfect

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In this exclusive excerpt, actress Mena Suvari recounts her decision to get breast implants in 2007 — one that was spurned by low self-esteem Hollywood’s impossibly high beauty standards, and a troubled relationship with her then-fiancé

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Photo: Getty Images/EyeEm Over the past few years, our culture has started to rethink its narratives around the celebrities who dominated headlines in the aughts. Many were maligned and humiliated by toxic paparazzi and news cycles that shamed them for their weight, behavior, and appearance. Women like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Sharon Stone have recently shared their stories about the cruelty and harassment they suffered at the hands of the industry.

One problem among the many that went untended: I didn’t listen to my instincts. Rather than pay attention to all the inner alarms going off, I told myself that life wasn’t perfect and neither were relationships. Which explains why, despite my hesitations, Simone and I were soon living in my new loft, planning an Italian wedding for the following summer.

I wish someone had said something like, “Don’t change one damn thing about yourself. It’s not natural or healthy. You’re perfect. If you aren’t happy, change the people around you and the way you live your life. But you are perfect the way you are.” I felt similarly about the size of my breasts. They were little, 32B, and as cliché as it sounded, I admitted I didn’t feel womanly enough.

“I understand.” She stepped back and studied me thoughtfully the way a stylist or photographer might. “I want to bring you up to a full B size, 34B.”I relaxed. I was grateful to hear this surgeon identify my problem much the way another doctor might have identified an illness and prescribed a remedy. I had been out of proportion. That was the problem—one of many, but a problem nonetheless. Now that was going to be fixed. I was going to be proportioned. Life would be better.

I had fixed my teeth, fixed my eyes, and now, four and a half years after leaving Robert and three relationships later, I was fixing my breasts.“I need to do this,” I tried to convincingly tell my girlfriends. “I’ll be able to wear dresses and fill in the areas that I never could.”

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