Head Topics

CEO Unveils Bold New Plan To Undo Damage From Last Year’s Bold New Plan

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

NEW YORK—Saying it would mark a significant change in the company’s direction, Paradigm Marketing CEO Paul Dannon announced Monday a bold new plan that was evidently intended to undo the havoc caused by last year’s bold new plan. “It’s time to make some major shifts in how we do things [in reaction to the disastrous major shifts I implemented last year],” said Dannon of the sweeping new initiative that amounted to a point-by-point retraction of his sweeping initiative from almost exactly one year ago. “We’re all going to have to accept some changes [to salvage the resources wasted due to my last disastrous strategic move], but I’m confident this is going to be an important step [backward] for the company. And, who knows, maybe we’ll even have [no] fun [whatsoever] in the process.” At press time, Dannon was laying off several employees whose salaries amounted to the bonus he had received last year.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

This would make a great cover page for our College’s new Strategic Plan.

CloneTeee1019 how roblox was made

The bolder the better

So true

well the first thing they’re gonna do is blame the black guy without ever saying so

Rudolph13C is this us?

Good one!😆

First step, fire all of you for not stopping me when I came up with last year's plan.

By laying off thousands of workers!

Stop immediately! This brings back too many bad memories.

Why do I get the feeling we’ll be having this meeting again next year?

Do you work at my library?

Brazen

Davos in a nutshell.

cc: ass_deans

lol hi

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

The Story Behind Miley Cyrus’s Bold New Mullet.MileyCyrus is ushering in a new year with the ultimate bad-good cut: The mullet. MileyCyrus Dysfunctional ... keep drinking and doing drugs....🙄🙄 mileystan10 MileyCyrus BadKarma MileyInTheUSA SheIsComing SheIsHere SHEISHERE sheishere SheIsHere SHEISHERE SheIsHere SHEISHERE ! MileyCyrus She is really beautifull but this hair cut is really UGLY!
Source: voguemagazine - 🏆 715. / 51 Read more »

Maritime’s Next Wave: An Ancient Industry’s Bold New ThinkingChange in shipping is happening fast. Ship propulsion has seen a revolution, while breakthroughs in data analytics are making such wonders as predictive maintenance a reality. ABBNorthAmerica advertorial
Source: Forbes - 🏆 394. / 53 Read more »

No More Partying At McDonald’s, According To New CEOMcDonald’s new chief executive, Chris Kempczinski, is trying to change what has been described as a “macho, guys club” corporate culture at McDonald’s. Good to hear...and about time :)
Source: ForbesWomen - 🏆 477. / 51 Read more »

IAG CEO Willie Walsh to retire, Luis Gallego named new bossFox News (officially Fox News Channel and abbreviated FNC) The channel was created by Australian-American media mogul Rupert Murdoch to appeal to a conservative audience, and CNBC executive Roger Ailes as its founding CEO. foxnewstalk YouCantLiveWithoutOurDevicesWeControlYou
Source: CNBC - 🏆 12. / 72 Read more »

Kylie Jenner Kicks Off the New Year With a Fun New Hair Color: See the PicsYellow hair, don't care -- check out Kylie Jenner's new 'do ugl* as always fuck kylie she ain’t doing anything for me, why should I care about her?
Source: billboard - 🏆 112. / 63 Read more »

Harvey Weinstein seeks new judge in New York sex crimes trial'Is this really the way that you want to end up in jail for the rest of your life,' Manhattan Supreme Court Judge James Burke asked Weinstein from the bench Tuesday, 'by texting and violating a court order?' Why is he playing victim He should probably be in prison for the other reasons but hey whatever gets him there I don’t think he will find any judge that will give him what he wants
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »