Vol 47 Issue 02

Vol 47 Issue 02

Ceiling Fan's One Burning Ambition To Come Loose And Murder Everyone In Denny's

All the latest local coverage from The Onion, America's finest news source.

24.1.2020

Ceiling Fan's One Burning Ambition To Come Loose And Murder Everyone In Denny's

All the latest local coverage from The Onion, America's finest news source.

Read more: The Onion

. . Andy Dufresne with a screw loose Keep spinning, and you'll get there. 😄 Before murdering people it should try spinning really fast to create hurricane winds in the Dennys. I think it would find more satisfaction in that. This is why I hate my ceiling fan when playing Beat Saber. We are neutral friends. It keeps me cool, but I know it's going to chop my hand off one day. :P

I got my power drill on full charge ceiling fan give me an hour. I'm coming to loosen your nuts DasburT_ fearing that squeak will tip them off Think the food will kill them before the fan can sink its blades into them. No! Not that old lady!!! This is after throwing dirt and germs all over everyone food for years

NHL mascot Gritty investigated for allegedly punching 13-year-old fanPhiladelphia police say they're investigating the alleged assault that happened during a November photoshoot with fans and the Flyers mascot. This is Trumps America 'Greenwell also took issue with how the photo turned out, telling officials that the mascot was not looking at the camera during the picture.'....hmmm Lmao IStandWithGritty story sounds suspect to me 🤷‍♀️ being from metro Detroit wonder what this guy would do if his kid got hit by an octopus ?!! Sue the octopus !! 🐙💸🤦‍♀️

DennysDiner One broke my wrist when I was putting on a jacket. Evil motherfuckers Brb going to denny's. Well that just stinks! And so does Denny's. I KNEW it!! Just once Why did the stadium get hot after the game Because all the fans left. Hahaha, Denny’s is always gross Same I hope at least it was their birthday so they got their final meal for free.. ripCeilingFanVictims

Gritty accused of punching 13-year-old boy during fan eventPhiladelphia Flyers mascot Gritty accused of punching 13-year-old boy during fan event alexbiles well what did the 13 year old do Cc HungSolo713

HAHA YES DO IT My actual nightmare i hope i am at Denny's when the time comes.

The Trailer For Disney's Live-Action 'Mulan' Will Make a Fan Out of YouThe Newest Trailer For Disney's Live-Action Mulan Is Here Isn’t this the same trailer Erm isnt this is the exact same trailer? Oh well, still stoked for it anyway wa

The Trailer For Disney's Live-Action 'Mulan' Will Make a Fan Out of YouThe Newest Trailer For Disney's Live-Action Mulan Is Here Yeah , I saw it like a month ago .

Lawsuit from fan alleges MLB teams engaged in corruption in sign-stealing scandalMajor League Baseball (MLB) teams secretly distorted player statistics and depri... Season ticket holders will be suing next... Listen, if this person is upset because they lost $ playing fantasy sports they need to get over it. Gambling on sports is one of the dumbest things ppl can do Waste of time and money

21 Disney Trivia Quizzes For Anyone Who Claims To Be A FanMagic mirror on the wall, all of the Disney quizzes I call!



BTS\u2019 Album Is Here and It Already Broke TikTok

BTS Opens Up About the Past, Creativity and Inspiration for ‘Map of the Soul: 7’ (Watch)

US government fines Wells Fargo $3 billion for its 'staggering' fake-accounts scandal

It's Official: A Friends Cast Reunion Is Coming to HBO Max

BTS Teases Better and Harder New Album at the 2020 Grammys

Susan Rice: Grenell is a ‘hack,’ who turned intel community into Trump re-election tool

‘Friends’ Cast to Reunite for Exclusive HBO Max Special

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