this reads like a nathan for you bit
Knowing every boy in the catholic church needs one.
Just being there and being programmed to hate is molestation...
Just being there and being programmed to hate is molestation...
Just being there and being programmed to hate is molestation...
🤣
Somewhere, there's a priest who think this is hot.
What did they do for the Choir boys?
Public school teachers are 100 times more likely to sexually abuse children than priests. How come liberal comedians & politicians, never bring that up? How come liberal media avoids publishing articles on it?
This is so savage. GregPGH thoughts?
Omg
The church would just ban the armor. 🤣
unfortunately onion, if their is a will there is a way. this new uniform will merely delay the catholic priests, not stop them : (
It works!
The worst Onion article is better than the best article of other satire
Ok but why does that design go so hard tho
Love will find a way
Guess Bioshock's city was named Rapture for a reason, the devs must have known the church would take inspiration.
Matt Walsh Announces New Business: Enormous Old Style 'Traditional' Can Openers
The first time I laughed today!
Need that with a rainbow coat of paint for drag shows.
Few dents in it. Some froggy clergymen obviously took a crack at it.
'At press time, every single Catholic church in the US had put out a mass order for can openers and hand saws'
Nice timing. Now do some Muslim suicide bomber joke at Ramadan, amirite?
I bet they could fit a dong through that grill. Where there's a will there's a way!
Molestation-proof? You're underestimating the perversion of Catholic priests!
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
The new uniforms worked well until the altar boys knelt down for communion and opened their face hatch...one of the priests yelled 'surprise mothafucka' before doing the unmentionable.
It's called The Seatitude
Lol !!! This is awesome!!! The tweet of the day
OMG....that is fuckin funny
Relabeled 'resistant' after further testing
Unrelated: Catholic Church initiates new mandatory “priest altar-boy uniform removal” system
🤣
nice of the church to offer this protection from abuse in the church, as well as where it’s more likely to happen, by non-priests, outside the church.
It's at a point where maybe the priests should just be neutered as part of joining the preisthood.
Not cool
julie_eye I love this one
Deus vult
katya_zamo I don't know....🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔, where there's a hole, there's a way. Instead of boys, how about some homosexual kryptonite........it's called big fat vagina or miss beef curtains if ya nasty! 💋
It’s a start I guess.
But it's a bitch to clean.
worldwidekatz How is this funny?
The greatest invention ever in fashion and retail!
The last time the church deployed these did not end well
Sick priests probably think it's kinky.
😭
I remember 50 years ago being a kid in Catholic school, laughing at the joke, 'Don't let the preacher try to get you in the rectory'
Except they forgot about the blowhole...
Now do hollywood
I give it as good a better chance than anything does so far.
Priests everywhere...
Nah wouldn’t work they’d still have a go at the air intake
Give 'im a rivet a gun or a drill for God's sake
😂
Maybe they should just stop dressing altar boys in gowns.
It is so sad that it had to come down to this thoughtsandprayers
Well, molestation-resistant at least.
This is ridiculous because the Catholic Church would never do anything to thwart child rape.
It's eco-friendly, too! They have them left over from the last Children's Crusade.
katya_zamo Like that will stop them!
Again Wrong...Basic Requirement is Brain Tunning in Right Direction. Put or Change Any Dress. NewYorker CBCNews BBCWorld bussiness WSJ dna mid_day
katya_zamo Coincidence, I think not.
even as a child I was freaked out by this whole clergy ritual. especially the confessional where I proceeded to make stuff up because it was assumed and expected that you did bad things. more and more people are backing away from the Catholic Church with good reason.
But i bet them dirty priests will find a way to fiddle with their nuts and get in there.....
Huh? Weird.
Also doubles as mandatory abstinence suit which all teenage girls must wear 24 hours a day by order of future POTUS Mike Pence!
The Onion is really putting themselves out there with this one. Wow, they don't care what tired, soft, overplayed subject they use for comedy gold. What the hell happened to you?
Tagging Franklin_Graham - looks like science is continuing to prevent your god's attacks on children.
katya_zamo katya_zamo does it remind you of this joke i told
It still has air holes and hinges.
touching progress
I was an alter boy for many years and was never abused. I felt so ugly and hurt. Other boys would come and go but i was never groomed. It's haunted me to this day, i still have self esteem issues.
St. Louis Archdiocese names 64 priests credibly accused of sexually abusing children or possessing child porn
Catholic priests raped nuns, impregnated them, and then forced them to have abortions.
An AP investigation finds nearly 1,700 priests accused of child sexual abuse are living across the U.S. with little or no oversight, many of them with jobs allowing them access to children.
Lol.
Catholic Church Spent Over $2 Million On Lobbying To Block Child Rape Laws
Now being sold to Gov’t staffers as well!
its prolly got a built in loophole
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