BELOIT, WI—Gasping sharply and demanding their son to report to his room this instant, conservative parents Justine and Stewart Taylor asked their son Thursday if he’d care to explain why there was a vaccine card hidden in his underwear drawer. “So, is there anything in particular that you’d like to tell us—or did you think we were stupid
and just wouldn’t find out?” said Stewart, holding up his child’s inoculation records, squinting, and whispering,years of clothing you, feeding you, and loving you with all our hearts, and this is how you repay us? Just look at what you’ve done to your mother! She didn’t raise you to go off into some tent full of miscreants God knows where and inject this kind of terrible stuff into your body.
I don’t even know why I follow you guys anymore. TheBabylonBee is way more funny. Your satirical headlines aren’t even that funny anymore. Most conservatives don’t care whether someone else is vaccinated or not.
Son desperately trying to distract Anti Vaxxer parents decides now is the time to mention he's a Power Bottom
Not necessarily the Onion
meeeeee
You're supposed to make Fake things guys!!
Those parents would be so mad if they could read!
Where is the satire
'I would have preferred Heroin, which at least would be normal for a child raised in our God-swearing, MAGA Household!'
But it’s happening
🤣
Says tedcruz when caught smelling his wife’s underwear drawer
Local Parody Newsletter still fails to understand “my body, my choice.”
I had to prove a gum with a liquid center wasn’t heroin.
Well it’s not like he coulda hid it in his wallet
She didnt even care about all his crusty socks
And then I just lied about it to everyone like you.
swoaha is this you?
The Onion used to be funny, now it's just a bunch of factual news! Please go back to satire. Thanks! 😂😂😂
Such an important tweet
I’m holding it for a friend
This is funny af and I’m unvaccinated we need to learn to take some jokes guys both sides
TiloJung The term 'Conservative' seems to have a very strange meaning in the US.
'Not only are you lying to us but you're helping your community!'
This is 100% real in my role as a high school counsellor...helping kids deal with their anti Vax parents...toorealforsatire
'Eleven Signs That Your Child Might Be A Sheeple.'
Mom, I just want to live. Let me live… god!!
Reminds me of my childhood but instead of a vaccine card, they were Chuck E. Cheese ticket stubs and my parents thought for sure that they were tickets to cult meetings.
Busted!
Not a joke, this really happens.
AndeeBlackSugar Sorry Mom but I refuse to be a COVIDIOT
Spider-man understands the significance of getting jabbed by a foreign substance
I’m sure this isn’t even satire
is that tom holland
КАМНИ В ТРЯПКАХ ?
oof
hide it with the weed and porn next time
buwahahaha 🤣😂
is everyone okay over there? are things not going great since you guys got bought?
meat_pupp3t Why are conservatives mad that you might need a vaccine to do stuff when you need a Polio and Flu vaccine to attend kindergarten! Is getting vaccinated owning the conservatives?
He tricked us all that time in the bathroom I thought he was injecting bleach, probing the flashlight in his orifice but no Johnnie was playing with his Johnson &Johnson
Fake ID got him running with a wild bunch into some crowded eateries.
My grandparents choose to not get vaccinated but still want me & my sis to get it. They even said today’s vaccines aren’t as good as the old vaccines when we brought up why they vaccinated mom then many years ago. We’re so confused about them
tweetzydeetzy Did I miss the point where the onion became an actual news source?
💀💀💀 Onion steppin’ they shit up. The Bee been in that ass lately.
You guys make me laugh so much 🤣😂and yet your news coverage is so accurate
Please please please...I’ve asked many times. Please publish something funny again. I believe in you!
Slippery slope to herd immunity.
OPadillaVelez 😂
This looks like Lauren Lapkus confronting Tom Holland.
Billy: “But Mom… being unvaccinated provides the virus with an exclusive opportunity to mutate. I’m doing my part to ensure public health & exit the pandemic” Mom: “Your father & I have profited during this pandemic… heck we almost overthrew democracy! DISAPPOINTMENT BILLY!”
TheBabylonBee is way funnier and smarter
NickOrland0 elonmusk WholeMarsBlog
They understand that the vaxx is a gateway drug to heavier drugs like Clorox, Hydroxychloriquine, or even Matt Gaetz
How DARE you do what you feel is best!
Me & your father didn’t raise you to be one of those rationale hippie liberals who put their faith in science. You will love Trump, Jesus, Reagan & Budweiser & in that order. Are we clear!
It's no joke. I had a woman change her beneficiary designation because her daughter got vaccinated.
“Give me your AR-15”
Pretty Borowitzy for the Onion imo.
Pfizer Madness
So rebellious!
They also found a strap on, but they were cool with it.
Koneko_Boy_ her son, tom holland
Are you taking drugs?!? THAT ARE APPROVED BY THE CDC?!?
To up the drama, mom surprised her son by unfurling a roll of condoms he had hidden with some Planned Parenthood literature under a floor board.
'I WAS JUST HOLDING IT FOR A FRIEND! I SWEAR!'
A 19-year-old with the self-awareness not to have a baby would probably take better care of a baby than a 19-year-old with a baby.
Inocullution is a beatch.
Can't you just have promiscuous sex like the other boys?
😂😂😂😂
Is that Tom Holland?
Full and actual LOL.
Rebel!! Black sheep!!
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