Vol 56 Issue 27, Nfl Football, Cam Newton, New England Patriots

Vol 56 Issue 27, Nfl Football

Cam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team

Cam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team

7/9/2020 9:10:00 PM

Cam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Hurriedly trying to organize the dozens of boxes from around the league ahead of his preseason season debut, Cam Newton told reporters Thursday that he was scrambling to get up to speed after the New England Patriots sent him a playbook of every NFL team. “This is thousands of pages, it’s going to take forever to read—and I haven’t even started watching all the security footage of teams practicing yet,” said Newton, expressing relief that he was able to rush through all the offenses from Sean McVay’s coaching tree, only to get bogged down by the 49ers tricky defensive scheme. “I’ve gotten formation photos, radio frequencies for headsets, and some of these coaches’ playbooks that go back as far as the ’90s. I thought I’d be able to breeze through the NFC South, but they actually have Panthers plays in here that I’ve never seen before. Oh, God, I’m gonna be up all night.” At press time, Newton had finally finished reading all the playbooks and had moved onto the team’s list of psychological profiles on every NFL quarterback.\n

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Hurriedly trying to organize the dozens of boxes from around the league ahead of his preseason season debut, Cam Newton told reporters Thursday that he was scrambling to get up to speed after the New England Patriots sent him a playbook of every NFL team. “This is thousands of pages, it’s going to take forever to read—and I haven’t even started watching all the security footage of teams practicing yet,” said Newton, expressing relief that he was able to rush through all the offenses from Sean McVay’s coaching tree

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, only to get bogged down by the 49ers tricky defensive scheme. “I’ve gotten formation photos, radio frequencies for headsets, and some of these coaches’ playbooks that go back as far as the ’90s. I thought I’d be able to breeze through the NFC South, but they actually have Panthers plays in here that I’ve never seen before. Oh, God, I’m gonna be up all night.” At press time, Newton had finally finished reading all the playbooks and had moved onto the team’s list of psychological profiles on every NFL quarterback.

Read more: The Onion »

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John_G_Willis He's not scrambling stop writing this bull jive half the league sucks compares to Cam stfu with this mess I guess the upside of not winning any Superbowls for awhile will be that no one will falsely accuse the team of cheating anymore. He will absorb it just fine under his pillow 🤣🤣🤣 Fake news ‼️

Make fun of Cam, to his good fortune he left a team playing this season for the 1pick. If they get it, their coach's and ownership will use it to select a punter. He will be one hell of a punter. The Panthers are the reason Trevor Lawrence will stay at Clemson his senior year. macwfnz Wade_in_America goddammit lol

KidPuertoRico Lmao 😂 davidfucillo 🤣 77cyko mikro_24 Remember this classic grill: Only guy in the NFL with a helmet like that. And no face mask - - - weird. 🤣🤣🤣 Good one A_Chadwick1 🤣 the0barr Cease and desist First thing Belichek did when he seen Cam was hand em this This is perfection. Oh my god this is some of your greatest work 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is how we win Oof haha! jaketapper That's going to leave a mark. Hahaha I’m a big patriots fan, but this is gold 😂 Nailed it. NiklasKnaap CintinRL Josh_Pope_ jaketapper Fake news at its very best Why are y’all always this messy lmfaooo If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t winnin’! jaketapper Savage! Go Pats!

And a deflated ball Thank God, a headline that made me laugh. A lot of these make me want to die because they're not even satire. jaketapper 😆 jaketapper Huh? The Patriots cheat! I enjoy when the pic is what makes it hilarious jaketapper Not parody, tho GOATesque W DuckButterFresh 😂 IsChamps OedipusRexRyan

jaketapper People, there aint gonna be no damn football this year. Best one yet. IntheMoneyBts CBuoye28 TheReal_TaviCat SKEE7 He will hurt his foot, Again after the first game. And collect his pay check from the sidelines on IR. Sad to see the once great onion like this. They need new writers. Sure, but how will fare playing with deflated balls? (footballs Twitter, footballs)

caclark2526 Soooo is he tryin to get HBO with that hair? 😂 😂 😂 Very funny! 'they actually have Panthers plays in here that I’ve never seen before' omg He’s got an extra year to figure it out SFCousens bravesdaniel MatthewFoldi Not every team... not the Giants or Dolphins wonder if it’s in his font Bwahahahahha

LOL!! nb0wie

These Photos Apparently Show Cam Newton In Foxboro Wearing Wild OutfitIf you're around Foxborough, Mass., this weekend and see a 6-foot-5 guy wearing some of the most unique outfits you've… NESN It’s called fashion look it up

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