Michael Bloomberg, Election 2020, Vol 56 Issue 07, Politics

Michael Bloomberg, Election 2020

Bloomberg Housekeepers Brace For Another Day Of Dressing Up Like DNC Candidates And Letting Boss Beat Them In Debate

Bloomberg Housekeepers Brace For Another Day Of Dressing Up Like DNC Candidates And Letting Boss Beat Them In Debate

21.2.2020

Bloomberg Housekeepers Brace For Another Day Of Dressing Up Like DNC Candidates And Letting Boss Beat Them In Debate

NEW YORK—Standing behind podiums scattered around the living room, Mike Bloomberg’s housekeepers braced for another day of dressing up like DNC candidates and letting their boss beat them in a debate, sources confirmed Thursday. “I’m supposed to be polishing the silver today, but instead I have to wear a stupid white wig and let Mr. Bloomberg attack the feasibility of my Medicare-for-all plan,” said maid Flora Bishop, who feared the 15-person housekeeping staff would be unable to complete their daily cleaning tasks as their boss forced them to restart the debate yet again after fumbling a question about prison reform. “We basically just stand around and let him tear our policies apart until he feels like he’s won. Usually, I’ll just say something about how all my ideas are bad compared to his so I can get back to the laundry. I feel terrible for the landscaper who played Buttigieg last time. Mr. Bloomberg fired him after he made a really good point about trying to buy the election.” At press time, the housekeepers were frantically motioning for the chauffeur, who was acting as moderator, to stop pressing their boss on stop-and-frisk policing tactics.



Read more: The Onion

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson transferred to intensive care

Over 51,000 people in the United Kingdom have tested positive for COVID-19, including Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Prince Charles, heir to the British throne.

I don't get this. What's a 'DNC candidate'? Idk looks like Maria's got some zingers for tonight. “shut up, whoever you are” This spot used to be mildly entertaining 😂 “DNC Candidates” The Beds are made... What is a “DNC candidate”? “DNC Candidates” ...DNC candidates? What are those? Still lost.

‘I’ll Rule You Peasants With An Iron Fist,’ Says Bloomberg To Standing Ovation During DNC DebateLAS VEGAS—In a demonstration of the high level of enthusiasm the former New York City mayor enjoys among the electorate, surging presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg was met with a standing ovation during the Democratic debate Wednesday as he promised to “rule you peasants with an iron fist.” “Kneel before me and tremble, you piteous wretches, for I am your new sovereign ruler and my will is infallible,” said Bloomberg, cutting into his rivals’ speaking time as his pledge to “vanquish my enemies and reward my supplicants” was met with thunderous applause by thousands of assembled audience members. “You peons, you mean as little to me as a clump of dirt to a mighty mountain, and I’ll step on the necks of every last one of you on my quest for greater and greater power. Gaze upon your new God and fear my capricious wrath.” At press time, the audience had broken out into chants of “Bloomberg! Bloomberg!” as armed guards emerged from the exits to indiscriminately beat them with batons. I VOWT SENTRIST! How'd you switch your tie color? He's going down in flames

JoshuaHol Bloomberg is a member of the American Israeli Political Action Committee (AIPAC): AIPAC and the Federal Election Commission JoshuaHol Bloomberg is a member-World Jewish Congress: Billionaires, Oligarchs, Global Influencers for Israel JoshuaHol Say No to Bloomberg JoshuaHol Michael Bloomberg’s Israel connection runs deep

What is a DNC candidate? first one to admit defeat will be spared stop and frisk for a whole week 👇 Oligarch of Wall Street MichaelBloomberg's fortune exploded from $4 to $27 billion as mayor by doling out tax breaks & recovery funds to his Wall St CEO golf buddies as they KICKED-BACK w/Terminal subscriptions TRUMP would SLAM BLOOMBERG's EPIC CORRUPTION. 👇 Please RT

HumanistReport Hey apparently you are Bernie propaganda now, sorry Uhh “beat” in this context is rather edgy LOL!!

Rohrabacher confirms he offered Trump pardon to Assange for proof Russia didn’t hack DNC emailRohrabacher said not only did talk of a Trump pardon take place during his meeting, but he followed up by calling then White House Chief of Staff John Kelly to discuss the proposal. He did not, however, ever speak to Trump about it, he said. How many liars are there in the world? All but Donald Trump, right? Last honest man? Or maybe he’s the liar. Ahhhhh... I would not believe a word out of her or trump’s mouths. I believe trump has discussed this with his cronies & that he would jump at the chance

What is.a DNC candidate? 'DNC Candidates' I misread this as “Bloomberg Housekeepers Brace For Another Day of Dreasing Up Like DNC Candidates And Letting Boss Beat Them To Death.” and didn’t even blink Ah, you coulda riffed on this instead... He's nice to 'some' of them though. HumanistReport It would be funny if this wasn't real.

Bloomberg eventually realises he could just fire all the other candidates 🤣😂 I'm assuming that this is practice for your leaders. Interesting

DNC chairman says 'we're as low-tech as humanly possible' amid fears Iowa chaos could repeat in Nevada'I'm very confident that we will be able to carry out a successful caucus,' Tom Perez insisted. Yeah super low tech Google/Apple/Microsoft 'not an app'. I DON'T THINK THAT inferior TECH WAS THE PROBLEM. XP (I have no actual idea of what've happened. But counting them all and trusting people is a lot.)

I did that nose breath laugh at this. Minions assemble!! Would have been more believable if you made him barely over the podium LittleMike MikeBloomberg Bloomberg had all kinds of ammunition-raised by a single mom-built a business employing thousands-his charities-not taking campaign money from others-how did his political rivals make their millions...? He used none of that!

MikeBloomberg That's the funniest thing I've seen all day MAGA2020 MikeBloomberg “Remember when Onion was a satire?” Translation: “This post offended me” DunceBiden MikeBloomberg 😂 MikeBloomberg This is my best Twitter follow. Not close. CANCEL_SAM MikeBloomberg CANCEL_SAM MikeBloomberg classless and rude

Last-Second DNC Rule Change Requires Candidates Spend At Least $300 Million Of Own Fortune To Make Debate StageAll the latest politics coverage from The Onion, America's finest news source. This is real news? soon as he opened his mouth tonight he should have just yelled 'I'M AN ASSHOLE!' since when was the onion doing real news?

MikeBloomberg 😂 MikeBloomberg Oh god Maria MikeBloomberg Oligarchs should really get out of their bubbles and see what the real world thinks of them. march4progress MikeBloomberg 😂 MikeBloomberg Where was Bloomberg's gray matter last night? Did he leave it in the farm? 😆🧐😆 MikeBloomberg I love you, The Onion.

MikeBloomberg Zineb50629367 MikeBloomberg I’d take this job MikeBloomberg Lol. I hope they get at least minimum wage MikeBloomberg This is probably eerily accurate.

‘I’ll Rule You Peasants With An Iron Fist,’ Says Bloomberg To Standing Ovation During DNC DebateLAS VEGAS—In a demonstration of the high level of enthusiasm the former New York City mayor enjoys among the electorate, surging presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg was met with a standing ovation during the Democratic debate Wednesday as he promised to “rule you peasants with an iron fist.” “Kneel before me and tremble, you piteous wretches, for I am your new sovereign ruler and my will is infallible,” said Bloomberg, cutting into his rivals’ speaking time as his pledge to “vanquish my enemies and reward my supplicants” was met with thunderous applause by thousands of assembled audience members. “You peons, you mean as little to me as a clump of dirt to a mighty mountain, and I’ll step on the necks of every last one of you on my quest for greater and greater power. Gaze upon your new God and fear my capricious wrath.” At press time, the audience had broken out into chants of “Bloomberg! Bloomberg!” as armed guards emerged from the exits to indiscriminately beat them with batons. I VOWT SENTRIST! How'd you switch your tie color? He's going down in flames

MikeBloomberg At least they get a break from his hourly Stop-And-Frisk home policy. MikeBloomberg Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do MikeBloomberg Sooooooooo funny!!!! lordvictor MikeBloomberg Remember: Bloomberg is everything they claimed Trump was OP_Omom MikeBloomberg 😂 MikeBloomberg Remember when the Onion was satire?

MikeBloomberg Well I am sure that if his housekeepers put enough hardwork in, they will be billionaires too, as rich as Mike himself, that's why I am votingbloomberg MikeBloomberg This is actual humor!

Elizabeth Warren came out swinging, and Mike Bloomberg was left battered — highlights from the Nevada Democratic debateJust three days before the crucial Nevada caucuses, six candidates took the stage in a contentious debate, firing attacks on the stage's newcomer, former New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Great night for Trump 😉 Bloomberg lost it , good riddance! That was the funniest show ive seen in a long time. Blind leading the blind



UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is in intensive care

More than 10,000 people have died from coronavirus in the US

Acting Navy secretary blasts ousted aircraft carrier captain as 'stupid' in address to ship's crew

(G)I-DLE's 'Oh My God' Video & 'I Trust' EP Are Here

Wisconsin Supreme Court blocks order to postpone primary election and US Supreme Court blocks absentee ballot extension

Coronavirus Live Updates: Boris Johnson Moved to Intensive Care and the U.S. Death Toll Surpasses 10,000

People and pets help each other through coronavirus pandemic

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