Black Man Shot By Police After Matching Description For Covid-19

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NEW YORK CITY—Responding to an anonymous tip regarding alleged suspicious activity, police shot an unarmed black civilian who reportedly matched the description for Covid-19, sources confirmed Wednesday. “In the heat of the moment, it was completely impossible to differentiate between the 6-foot-1inch, 175-pound male and the 0.125-micron pathogen,” said Sergeant Troy Ellis of the NYPD, describing how the tips on the suspect’s shoelaces were nearly identical to the microscopic spikes found on the novel coronavirus. “Obviously this is an unfortunate mistake, but the party in question was potentially a highly contagious disease that could’ve infected the entire community, and we couldn’t take that risk. We’ve received numerous reports of the virus hanging out in the streets of nearby neighborhoods, and it is our responsibility to act. We put our lives on the line out here to serve and protect, and when the suspect put his arm up to cough into his elbow, we had no way of knowing whether he was a virus going for a gun.” At press time, leaked body cam footage revealed that the police officer had dropped a positive test result next to the suspect’s corpse.

 

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I better watch myself out there...lol

Ouch

Damn, Onion. Damn. RT : Black Man Shot By Police After Matching Description For Covid-19

he never did anything bad to anyone! he just wanted to get out the getto and help other people =(

Brutal

NialElkim Ha. Ha.

Zombie down?

RyanCoulson5511 kmiec_sebastian

greg_doucette The Invisible Man, the invisible enemy ... Seems about right.

Tells cop he is reaching for his inhaler...

Covid was resisting arrest

WORD_NEWSS tá trabalhando em Chicago agora?

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

Judge : 'Officer why did you shoot this man?' Officer : 'I could sense that he had a body temperature of 101.3'

RELATED: CDC Declares Thinking About Coronavirus Can Give You Coronavirus 'Whatever you do, don't think about it!'

Unmasking racism😷

Had to check if this was the onion or not

cringe

Gotta flatten that curve

I can see a police officer uncomfortably laughing at this

Finally it's over.

Gonna see this one getting retweeted in a few weeks

oof

TalibKweli 1/2

Oof. Too soon.

QuotedReplies

This could be more believable than anything on Faux News!

ouch

Is it bad that I laughed at this?

😬

That’s rough

Was he wearing a mask? No. He was standing next to someone, wearing a mask. Still, I mean, if you were in the situation, & you felt threatened, he may steal the person's mask next to him, &then commit a crime, have to protect against, imagination crimes, there's no limit to them

What happened? He was standing in a bank with a mask while being black. OH. Well then. I understand then.

Oof

This is gonna happen

The Babylon Bee readers hate this so much

Wtf is wrong with this country

All those viruses look the same.

This wouldn't happen if it was he looked like the Bird Flu

Too realistic, tbh

Walking around with a black mask on in Hyde Park is definitely a white privelege.

“In the heat of the moment, it was completely impossible to differentiate between the 6-foot-1inch, 175-pound male and the 0.125-micron pathogen,”

swing and a miss

Going for the jugular this week... keeps it real

I give it two weeks

*depressing chef kissy fingers for 8 hours straight*

RIPHarambe

SebastianYJ

Covid-19 virus dies after announcing it was going to testify against Hillary Clinton.

Oh you!

We got him lads

goddammit i wish i hadn't laughed at this in my defense, it IS entirely plausible =(

When will this senseless violence end?

I weigh 539 pound and I am profiled constantly . The kids around my neighborhood call me Turkey Tit. They make stories up that I cook people into stir fry and that I’m constantly jacking my pony hoagie . I live with my mom so I could never do either of those things.

owillis Jesus christ this is bleak.

Must have wandered into North Korea

Not funny

North Korea vibes

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