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Biden Unveils Cool Teen Migrant Detainment Center Where Youths Can Hang Out And Never Leave

Biden Unveils Cool Teen Migrant Detainment Center Where Youths Can Hang Out And Never Leave

3 hours ago

Biden Unveils Cool Teen Migrant Detainment Center Where Youths Can Hang Out And Never Leave

CARRIZO SPRINGS, TX—In an effort to provide vulnerable youths with a structured, supervised environment, President Joe Biden unveiled a hip teen migrant detainment center Tuesday where kids could hang out and never leave. “We think migrant teenagers are going to love getting a chance to kick back and chillax in this fenced-off compound from which they cannot escape,” said Biden, touting the facility’s air hockey table, pinball machine, and miles of unscalable barbed wire that would allow teenagers to comingle with other undocumented aliens to their hearts’ content. “We’ve got snacks and sodas, cool tunes on the radio 24/7, really everything a kid who’s been torn apart from his family could want! And, they’ll have plenty of time to try and beat their high score on the Ms. Pacman or Tetris arcade cabinets while they’re waiting to be deported to their home country. Rock on, kiddos!” At press time, Biden supporters across the country were organizing a fundraising campaign to help provide the center with a new trophy case. \n

CARRIZO SPRINGS, TX—In an effort to provide vulnerable youths with a structured, supervised environment, President Joe Biden unveiled a hip teen migrant detainment center Tuesday where kids could hang out and never leave. “We think migrant teenagers are going to love getting a chance to kick back and chillax in this fenced-off compound from which they cannot escape,” said Biden, touting the facility’s air hockey table, pinball machine, and miles of unscalable barbed wire that would allow teenagers to comingle with other undocumented aliens to their hearts’

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content. “We’ve got snacks and sodas, cool tunes on the radio 24/7, really everything a kid who’s been torn apart from his family could want! And, they’ll have plenty of time to try and beat their high score ontheorTetrisarcade cabinets while they’re waiting to be deported to their home country. Rock on, kiddos!” At press time, Biden supporters across the country were organizing a fundraising campaign to help provide the center with a new trophy case.

Read more: The Onion »

You’re Always Surrounded by Neutrinos!

This second, as you’re reading these words, trillions of tiny particles are hurtling toward you! No, you don’t need to brace yourself. They’re passing through you right now. And now. And now. These...

Come on, Onion, I expect better of you. Better Photoshop work, this is awful. Me reading the replies: shoe0nhead ok this is epic 'If you always vote for the lesser of two evils, you will always have evil, and you will always have less.'⁣ ⁣ — Ralph Nader (would've been president, if America weren't a slave with two masters)⁣

Sounds ok. What kind of gaming systems they got? proustmalone Dems in 2020: Abolish ICE! No more kids in cages. Dems in 2021: Abolish ICE? No, more kids in cages. That's a whopper of scissors Brilliant! I heard this youth center is so cool that parents aren’t even allowed in Rock on, kiddos! 😂 Scary times when isn't satire anymore.

That’s a Photoshopped picture and done poorly as well. And stoke their hatred of 'the system'; and learn ways to 'pay the system back'. This will be truth in 5 months. Oh wait, it is truth today. Welcome to Immigration Overflow Facility California Such a lovely place Omg.. please tell me this is the onion

'don't think of it as a detention center, think of it as Hotel California for migrant children' jarais I thought Hotel California was the place you check out anytime you like but can never leave... does that mean this is Hotel California?