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Authorities Theorize Santa Anita Race Track Deaths Could Be Work Of Horse Serial Killer

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ARCADIA, CA—After the death of 3-year-old colt Emtech this weekend marked the racetrack’s 32nd equine fatality of the year, investigators stated Monday that the unusual mortality rate at Santa Anita Park could potentially be the work of a horse serial killer. “After examining hoofprints at the crime scene and pulling some DNA off a clump of hay, we now have reason to believe these deaths are not only murders but, in fact, the work of a single deranged horse,” said lead detective Karen Kaufman, who told reporters that the killer exhibited a clear pattern of behavior by always returning to the same track and that the victims—all horses—matched a similar profile. “Genetic analysis has shown the killer is of thoroughbred pedigree, and at this time I can confirm that Country Horse, Improbable, and American Pharoah are all horses of interest. Whatever the killer’s reasons, be it power, sex, or feelings of embitterment after being put out to stud, we’re dealing with a really sick horse here, and the racing community should be on high alert.” At press time, officials at Santa Anita Park expressed regret that, following an attempt to collect evidence from the racetrack, Detective Kaufman took a bad step, broke her leg, and was forcibly euthanized.

 

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The real story is that the racing industry is full of corruption, and these deaths are the whistleblowers and witnesses being silenced.

That’s already a known fact.

They race them too young...

Why the long face?

Don't publish your normal satire regarding the deaths of racing horses, especially if this is found to be animal cruelty.

HEY!!! I've warned you about dead animal jokes! Stop it.

They traced the call, it's coming from inside the barn.

That's what the Mindhunter team is for

I say we dub him the 'Cereal' killer. Horses do eat oats, after all.

My guess is Robert Redford. All that horse whispering has made him lose it.

Were it Philadelphia, I'd say it was a Phillie.

Is the serial killer a horse or does the serial killer only kill horses. Not real clear.

It's Obvious. It's Red Rum. Because backwards his name is......

I say neigh to that theory.

ToddTVG SimonTVG ScottTVG BritneyEurton

The Killer is most likely a white horse, mid 40s, sexually dysfunctional, with an addiction to ketamine. Could be posing as a staff horse, or could be a tourist horse mingling in the crowds. Be on the lookout for any suspicious white horses.

Been saying that since I first heard about it

anthonyjeselnik we need you to come in for questioning...

Jeffery Dahmare?

It's hungry homeless people.

The sick bastard seems to have nailed on Iron Us to the horses feet. Tied them up in a bridle, and shoved a steel bit in their mouths. it fits the pattern

The Cereal Killer clown . . NOW YOU KNOW

NOOO..... i wonder who it could be

Wait until they figure out the call was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Or the scion of a glue baron family

Someone Unstable?

so the serial killer has a raspy voice, eh?

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