Opinion, Vol 55 Issue 28

Opinion, Vol 55 Issue 28

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

11.7.2019

'Let’s just say I got to unwrap my fair share of smokin’ hot mummies in those days.'

Let’s just say I got to unwrap my fair share of smokin’ hot mummies in those days.

tour, I was at a packed bookstore somewhere in the Midwest when this sexy vampire with pitch-black eyes came up to my autograph table and practically sunk her teeth into me right there. Next thing I know, we’re back in my room pounding down glasses of blood and performing strange and unholy sexual rites.

, my friend! I still laugh when I think of how many calls my publicist had to field from angry hotel clerks asking why ancient, impenetrable runes had been scrawled in blood across every surface of my room.

But overall, my regrets are very few, and if I could do it all again, I’d still eat out that Sasquatch in the bathroom of the Nashville Barnes & Noble.

I barely even see anyone from those crazy old days anymore. The only exceptions are the spawn from that pack of demonic she-wolfs with whom I fathered several litters of cursed, half-human creature-lings. I’m so proud of those kids.

Read more: The Onion

RL_Stine I think he meant step-mummies for legal purposes RL_Stine This Tweet gave me Goosebumps. RL_Stine cc: anthonydimieri RL_Stine Talk about ruining childhoods! RL_Stine He's just part of the entourage of his brother: Francis.N.Stine. RL_Stine Ok

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