Ask Amy: I’m angry that I had to find this out from my Amazon account
Plus: What my granddaughter told me changed my mind about the sleepover.
He seems to think there’s nothing wrong with it, but I’m furious.Ask Amy: A partner’s death leads to a tough task Dear Betrayed: If you know that this family member abused your elderly mother, then your anger is justified.My mother needed constant care.Mom died in 2014.
Could you weigh in? Worried Wife Dear Worried: My opinion about this depends somewhat on what kinds of problems your husband shares with his former co-worker, and what kind of gifts they are exchanging.If he calls her to discuss the Peterson account or to exchange ideas about how to navigate through a thorny company problem, that’s one thing.Nor has your cousin acknowledged, explained, apologized, or asked for your forgiveness.If he is sharing intimate and private details about his — or your — life, that’s another.I soon found out that my cousin was taking almost all of my mom’s SSI for herself.If he is sending her bottles of Shalimar or a gift pack from Victoria’s Secret, I’d say that was a clear “tell.I assume that it was not contractual, but more of a casual arrangement between family members, involving housing and other benefits for your cousin.” (You can double-check the order history through your (or his) Amazon account.Why should you forgive this person? Advertisement From the tone of your question, it seems that this allegation against your cousin has not been disputed.
) Partners absolutely can have friendships outside of the marriage, but it is important that these friendships not interfere with the marriage.I urge you to explore ways to forgive yourself for any guilt you might be feeling.I just can’t forgive her for the harm she caused and for taking advantage of someone who obviously cared for her.I hope you and your husband can really talk about this.He should be transparent and reassuring, rather than dismissive or defensive.In my opinion, “moving on” would be you accepting that you cannot control these other family members.Dear Amy: My 12-year-old granddaughter, “Casey,” often stays with me during weekends.They say I’m being unreasonable for not forgiving her and letting it go.Casey has a friend from school who she has visited several times.But they don’t live in your reality, and they don’t have the right to judge you for your residual anger.I urge you to explore ways to forgive yourself for any guilt you might be feeling.
She has had a sleepover at that friend’s house, with her mom’s permission.I met the friend’s mother briefly; I’ve only seen the friend from a distance.Members would like to share their personal concerns and receive support.Why should you forgive this person? From the tone of your question, it seems that this allegation against your cousin has not been disputed.My granddaughter led me to understand that her friend is a girl.It seems now that although this friend was born female, she wants to transition to male, but is also gay, in that the friend wants to be a boy who is attracted to other boys.Others in the group have expressed concern that she takes over the meetings.I am not comfortable with Casey having a sleepover with a boy.I assume that it was not contractual, but more of a casual arrangement between family members, involving housing and other benefits for your cousin.Advertisement Enter it here and we’ll send it to her.
Beyond that, I believe that 12 is too young to make decisions about sexuality.Is there a way to make the point to the offender privately without causing bad feelings? — Tired of the Lectures Dear Tired: Ideally, if your group had a coordinator, that person could redirect the meetings once they got derailed.My granddaughter is a handful — and that’s putting it mildly.She lies routinely and is completely untrustworthy, so any information coming from her has to be taken with a grain of salt.Support groups function best when members do a lot of listening, some commiserating, and — finally — offer advice and resources to one another.You liberated your mother from her challenging circumstances, and she was happier at the end of her life.I don’t want to offend her friend or the friend’s parents, or have them think we would stop my granddaughter from going there simply because their child has a complicated sexual identity.Today, for instance, I said that she could visit Casey at Casey’s house.Tell her, “I appreciate the amount of research you do, but I hope you agree with me that it’s also important that everyone be heard and emotionally supported.Someone suggested timing individual responses, but this feels too structured.
She started blowing up my phone — and her mother’s phone — demanding to spend the night.But they don’t live in your reality, and they don’t have the right to judge you for your residual anger.I’m at a loss about how to handle this.” Dear Amy: Why the hullabaloo about keeping photos of a long-ago ex? Why should “Charlie” have to get rid of them? If he’s obsessing about these photos and hasn’t really moved on, I could see why the current wife is losing her mind with jealousy.Exhausted Grandma Dear Exhausted: Let’s set aside Casey’s friend’s gender exploration for now.If this information is coming from or being filtered through Casey, then I’d say you have a 12-year-old’s explanation of another 12-year-old’s gender journey.It’s his past, his memories.However, one member in particular responds to everyone’s comment often with medical research, which doesn’t apply in every case.The issue you should focus on is the question of where Casey will be spending the night when she is with you, and who will be in charge of her while she is with you: you, her mother, or Casey herself.Advertisement Tell her, “I appreciate the amount of research you do, but I hope you agree with me that it’s also important that everyone be heard and emotionally supported.
When Casey is with you, at least at the outset, the wisest course would be for you to welcome her friend to spend time at your house, or for you to take them on an outing together.She was a part of his life, and I don’t feel I’m in competition with her.This would enable you to make an acquaintance with the friend, get to know their parents, and — speaking with Casey’s mom — to make an adult decision about a sleepover.Is there a way to make the point to the offender privately without causing bad feelings? — Tired of the Lectures Dear Tired: Ideally, if your group had a coordinator, that person could redirect the meetings once they got derailed.Casey’s privileges should also be tied to her own behavior: That’s basic parenting, and even though adolescent girls can tax their folks’ patience, you should do your best to stay open, patient, wise, loving and nonjudgmental.It’s actually kind of cool.And always … trust but verify.Dear Amy: sexually harassed by a woman at a bar.I have his future.If this person’s monologues are driving you crazy, then — congratulations! — you get to address this with her.
You are normally so anti-male — I was surprised when you called out the double-standard when women sexually harass men.Call Me Surprised.(You can email Amy Dickinson at.
Ask Amy: Cousin’s caregiving is actually care-takingDear Amy: My cousin was living with and taking care of my mom near the end of my mom’s life.
Ask Amy: Cousin's caregiving is actually care-takingDear Amy: My cousin was living with and taking care of my mom near the end of my mom’s life.
Ask Amy: Cousin caring for mother was taking her moneyDear Amy: My cousin was living with and taking care of my mom near the end of my mom’s life. I soon found out that she was taking almost all of my mom’s SSI for herself. My cousin got $1,100 per month, leaving very little money left for my mother’s use.
Ask Amy: She has hijacked our neighbor support group with her medical researchPlus: Why would a wife be so upset about photos of an ex?
Amy Coney Barrett Is In Over Her HeadEven as her votes enabled the court’s hard-right turn, the newest justice has floundered on the intellectual sidelines. All of the conservatives are. They completely destabilized our healthcare system during a global pandemic due to their religious dogma. But she's IN Oops she lied, that's the real-time motto for the republican party, smile, and lie to get what you want.
Amy Sedaris brings her characteristic wit and verve to San Antonio on Friday, July 15During her one-night appearance at the Tobin Center she'll talk about her career and observations on life. SanAntonio SATX SanAntonioTX ThingsToDoInSanAntonio TobinCenterSA